


The Apostate And The Knight Commander

by AllesandraQ



Series: The  Apostate and a Knight Commander [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Romance, Slow Burn, This is not going to have a happy ending, Tragic Romance, a really slow burn, fair warning, i mean this is about a mage and the knight commander, multiple POVs, slight divergence from canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 12:43:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 37,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15219413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllesandraQ/pseuds/AllesandraQ
Summary: Hades Hawke. He's an apostate, he's doing his best to simply help Mother out, manage things with his sibling, and keep the templars in Kirkwall from finding out he's a mage. One night he ends up meeting a woman who changes everything for him.Knight Commander Meredith Stannard. Her duty, her calling has always been to be a templar. To guard Kirkwall from the curse that afflict the mages in the Gallows, and keep a watchful eye over her templars. She never wanted anything more.Until one night, a simple exchange in a tavern with a man changes things.Neither of them were looking for more, but somehow they came together.Here is the story of how two people who never should have fallen in love with each other, do so. While one is hiding a secret.





	1. Act 1: A First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This was born out of an idea and musings, during a chat in discord. Debating over the romances in DA2, I was wondering what to do with my blue mage Hades Hawke, and what romance to do. Then while discussing the tragic nature of some of the romances, I made a comment that a romance with Meredith itself would definitely be tragic. A conversation soon flowed, and after that an idea formed and encouragement flowed from all sides. So many helped me while writing this that I can't name them all because it would take up so much room here, but you all know who you are, so many thanks and hugs. 
> 
> So here's a what if: What if Hawke met Knight Commander Stannard in a way that he didn't know it was her, and somehow a romance began between the two? 
> 
> Well here you are. 
> 
> In order for it to work, certain things were reworked- Hades met Meredith way before the events in the end of Act 2, and I had to expand what we all knew about Meredith Stannard, and this turned into not just a romance, but a character study for her as well. 
> 
> This will be a series. Each Act takes over the course of a few months and will be each a story in itself. As well as the in between years of each act.

Hades should have known better.

Travelling Hightown alone at night was not smart. But he had ended up staying at the the Keep, helping out Aveline with some matters. He should have said no, said he could return in the morning to explain what happened with the gangs that he, Varric, Fenris and Carver had wound up wiping out that was masquerading as Guardsmen. But she insisted and Aveline was hard to dissuade when she insisted.

So he did what he did. He helped one of his friends.

And now here he was, after telling the others to go home ages ago, running down a street to avoid another gang because he now exhausted himself with some of his spells and he realized just how much having others with him while travelling at night helped him out.

He leans against a wall, grimacing at a cramp in his side.

 _That is it, Hades,_  he tells himself.  _No more going anywhere by yourself if possible._

He spots a door, hesitates at first, because he doesn't know what type of place this door leads to, and yet he hears running feet and he quickly decides to just go in and make his apologies if he interrupts anything major between anyone.

The door is strong, oak it looks like, and there's a symbol on it but he doesn't take the time to try and see if he'll recognize it, so he slips inside.

No immediate shrieks. but he hears voices, and the sound of drinks being poured.

He's not at the Hangman is he? Did he somehow run from Hightown to Lowtown and not realize it?

He steps further in and if the lack of smell didn't give it away (Varric claimed the smell gave the Hangman character)then the fact that there were... ten templars in his immediate line of sight that made him realize that no...

_No, Hades, this is not the Hangman._

_Oh dear._

He was at the  **Blessed Blades…**

The templar tavern.

Well, according to Varric it wasn't only visited by templars, but by most people in Hightown. Nobody caused trouble there, so the nobles liked it. But it was well known for it being well.. a templar place.

And here he is, a mage, an  **apostate** , a man pretending to be something he is not, suddenly in the one place other than the Gallows, (Which has one called the Holy Smite for the newly recruited and the name alone gives him the shivers) that he should not be.

_Okay._

_Take a breath._

No one is starting at you  _yet._

Well the couple nobles at the table closest to him are.

But no one is being hostile, plus he can't just turn around and leave. That might create suspicion.

His father's words come back to him, when he was first nervous at seeing the templars.

_‘Don't show fear or nervousness, they will see it and know that something is wrong. Show only confidence, act like you are meant to be where you are, because you do.’_

He nods to the one noble who waves at him happily. He helped him out with a small errand. Which is good. Because it put coin in his pocket, coin he is building to get on that venture into the Deep Roads. And the noble has spread his name to others, so he's getting his name out there.. In a good, non Gallows threatening way.

He moved further in, and then noticed some tables that were being used in a corner of the room.

Hades's stomach grumbles and he sighs, knowing he should get something to eat and drink. His body needs it, as it feels depleted from what he did earlier. He walks swiftly through the room, avoiding bumping into a waitress and a couple others and makes way for what looks like the quiet dark corner of the room.

He sees a body sitting at one table, a woman with blonde hair that he can see, but she seems to be concentrating on her meal and not him. So he takes a seat at the table next to hers and as he does, a waitress comes over.

"Water please, first. And that stew I'm smelling, please." He knows the food might take all the coin he currently has in his pocket, but that's a sacrifice for staying here and not making anyone possibly suspicious.

"You get bread with that, and a side of mash," the waitress tells him.

"Sounds great," he smiles and she blushes a little before moving on.

He hears a huff, from the woman at the next table and he looks over and finds himself meeting a pair of ice blue eyes. Stunning blue eyes that hit him like a punch in a gut. A gold diadem rests on her head, and he makes out armor as well. The corner here is still dark enough that he can't quite make out more, but he has a feeling she knows that and that is exactly why she chose to sit here.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks, trying to be as charming as possible.

"You distracted her enough that I will not get my refill until she gets back," she says, a trace of that Kirkwall accent that on most tends to grate on his ears, but from her he finds it does not.

"Apologies. Shall I go meet her at the bar and let her know the strange blonde woman in the corner needs a drinK?"

_What in the name of the Maker did you just say Hades???_

She raises an eyebrow, and Hades does his best to keep his internal panicking from showing on his face. She has a stern but strikingly beautiful face, and he feels his stomach tighten, as he waits to be blasted. He keeps his gaze level with hers though, feeling like he should not look away. His staff, which is glamoured to look like a sword, feels heavy against him, a reminder of who he really is and how much danger he is treading here.

_So much for keeping a low profile. Sorry, brother._

There was NO ABSOLUTE WAY he was going to tell Carver about this. His brother would throw a fit.

She huffs again, in that odd little way. "As if it would help. You would just distract her more and it would take me longer to get my refill."

"Well, it looks like you will have to wait my lady, until she returns with my food," he says, and resists the urge to smack himself when he realized his tone was teasing.

She scowls and he knows he said the wrong thing, knows he went too far in a meeting between two strangers. He still doesn't know who she is, but he knows he has to be careful.

Luckily his food is brought to him and he focuses on that, as the blonde woman orders her refill, in a sharp voice, the accent that he heard a trace over earlier, more pronounced.

After a minute of eating, his stomach doesn't feel so shaky, and he feels better. Hades glances over at the woman.

"I apologize for my comment earlier." Hades says softly. "I do not know what came over me, but it was not appropriate."

She doesn't look over at him, but he knows she heard him. "Since I do not even know your name, Fereldan, yes it was."

"How did you know--"

"Your accent." She looks over at him now. "It sticks out."

He feels taken back. Athenril told him that it did. He remembers the lessons he took from her to make his Fereldan accent less noticeable. He figured it had been beaten into submission by now.

"Oh."

She's clearly amused as he hears a low chuckle and his heart thumps at that. Is it fear? Or something else?

He decides that he just simply needs to finish eating, then get out of there and hopefully get back to Gamlen's without getting noticed by any more gangs...

As he finishes up, the waitress comes over to take his plate and cup. She tells him the cost, and yes, it almost empties out his pocket. As he sets them on the table, he turns to the woman.

"Again, I apologize for my earlier comment. I hope I did not disrupt your meal--" He's cut off by loud voices, angry and a sound of flesh being hit. The woman's eyes narrow, and she pushes out of her chair, striding past him quickly but not before he hears

"Apology accepted," were the barely heard words as he takes advantage of everyone currently focusing on a fight between two templars to leave.

He lingers at the door though, just for a moment, to see her separating the two templars, looking like a force to be reckoned with and once again his stomach tighten as he sees those ice blue eyes stare down one templar.

She is a fierce sight to behold, and his heart quickens.

_Not now!_

He opens the door and leaves.

She's still on his mind when he takes a shortcut to Lowtown, and avoiding the other gang he was still dealing with there. He’ll deal with them when he has a couple of others with him- Fenris and Carver probably.

And she’s still there when he finally gets back to Gamlen's, and finds a way to avoid Mother’s questions and gets to his bed.


	2. Act 1: A Second Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Hades Hawke is drawn to the one place he should not go, and once more is drawn in by someone he should not be drawn to.

 

Once again he was the Blessed Blades.   
  
But for a reason this time, and not just because. He didn't get cornered, he didn't get lost, he didn't forget where the Blessed Blades was and enter blindly.

He's there because of Comte De Revelie. He had sent a messenger, asking for Hades to meet him at the _Blessed Blades_ to discuss a matter that would pay him well. 

He was getting a reputation for finding things, he knew that. Word spread when he found the bones of a sister and handed them over to the Chantry. 

So off, Hades went, to see about making some more coin. 

Except the Comte isn't here yet, and he's feeling a bit on edge. Not many templars are in here, yet it seems, and he was directed to a table in an open area. Apparently certain nobles had their own. 

He takes a sip from his water, watching the door. When it opens a couple minutes later, it's not the Comte, but a couple templars and...  
  
_Her_.  
  
Templar armor. What he couldn't make out fully before. A part of him had been hoping she wasn't, even though it was foolish to think that someone wearing armor in a tavern frequented by templars would not be a templar. 

She's tall, striking in the light, the armor fit her like she was born for it, her sword strapped to her back. She walks in as if she's in charge.  
  
She's _dangerous._

Her blonde hair reaches her shoulders, ice blue eyes that sweep the room. They land on him and he finds himself holding his breath, caught in her stare. 

An arched eyebrow and he finally makes himself look away.

She was not someone he should stare at. 

Even if she was so strikingly beautiful. 

"Back again, Fereldan?" He hears her say, standing next to the table. 

He looks up. Swallows the spike of nervousness. "Business brought me here. What about you," he pauses and hopes he won't have to make another apology, "Kirkwall? The allure of a good food in a dark corner?" 

A twitch in the right corner of her mouth. "With the Comte De Revelie?" Which part is she amused by? The Comte? Or the name he called her by?   
  
"He heard I am good at finding things."

"I see."

"Plus the food is good," he adds as the heavy door opens again and he sees the Comte himself racing in. He spots Hades and comes over. As he does the woman slips away and he watches as she heads for the dark corner again.

Before he can think on that, he turns back to the Comte who sinks down into his seat, looking exasperated.

It's about an hour of listening to the Comte talk before he finally gets around to telling Hades what he needs. It shouldn't be difficult, and he  thinks it'll be easy to do without much hassle. And pay will be good. 

He agrees to the Comte's request, who look relieved and then the Comte pays for the meals they both had and leaves. Hades finishes off his drink and then stands, picking up his cloak. As he does, he feels like he's being watched. At first he wonders if a templar here has figured him out and is about to pounce. 

His heart is beating as he takes a chance to look around but no one is staring at him....Then he looks past the small crowd and to the dark corner.

Ice blue eyes meet his briefly before looking away.   
  
Hades exhales, watches her for a moment, waits to see if their gaze might meet again. After a few seconds it does not and he cannot linger just to get a look.

At the last moment however, as he's about to turn away, she looks. A nod, a slight lifting of the cup in her hand.

He leaves the Blessed Blades, his head spinning a little, a slight smile forming.


	3. Act 1: Seeing Each Other Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was company.
> 
> She never cared to have company before.
> 
> Why is she letting it happen now?

  
  
He's here again.

She watches, unable to shove aside her curiosity, as he makes his way to another table. Another noble. Another meeting.

This was the fourth time she had seen him. They have only spoken twice, but his voice stands out to her.

Soft, despite the hard Fereldan accent. Dark brown eyes that showed more than their owner most likely wanted.

He carried himself well. Not with shame or curled into themselves as most of the Fereldan refugees crowding her city were. But he walked as if he belonged, but was not acting aggressively or with any swagger.

She was paying far too much attention to this Fereldan. She did not know why, but she was.

She shakes her head, not understanding why she is interested.

They spoke twice.

And she received a nickname from him the second time.

She never had a nickname before.

Except from... except from  _her._

She scowls, then turns back to her food. While she eats though, she finds herself hearing his voice among the others, and she finds herself occasionally looking.

She does not understand.

* * *

**Act 1- Meeting 3**

Hades was not going to linger in the Blessed Blades today.

No he was not.

He was simply going to go in, inform the Comte of the results of his search for his family's shield, apologize that it took so long but that it had taken him alllll over Kirkwall and he ended up also getting drafted in a couple other little requests of "Can you find this and this for me?" as well as "Oh, you found that! I've been looking for it all over!"

Earning enough coin to invest in the expedition was basically making him willing to take on all sorts of requests, as long as they weren't.. too bad. As well as earn enough coin to eat, and make sure Mother had some money to spend and also give some to Gamlen so he'll stop grumbling.

Although Varric had told him he was working on getting a couple other jobs lined up and he had to go see a man named Hubert tomorrow.

Busy, busy, busy he was.

He thought he was worked when he had to do that year with Athenril....

He entered the tavern, and more people acknowledged him than they did the last time. It.. was odd. But perhaps good? Yes, he'll let himself think of it as good.

Hades made his way to the Comte's table, where the man brightens when he sees him.

"Messere Hawke," he greets. "Sit please. Hungry?"

"A little, but--"

"Nonsense, I know you went through a lot to find that shield. I understand it is being sent to my estate?"

Hades nods, and hands the parchment over. "I had a friend fix it up- there was a dent to it when we found it," the Comte winces. "The people who had it before didn't treat it right. But it's polished, fixed, and good as new. It will be at your home by the time you get there after you finish your meal."

"Messere, you are indeed good at what you do. I am most certainly going to recommend you to anyone else who may have need of your skills."

Hades smiles. He had a skillset all right. A lot of it seemed to be healing up his companions during fights and sending off the occasional fireball, but he also seemed to be good at finding things. As long as it helped him support his family and bring coin to pay Bartrand, then he'll take what he can get.

Like this meeting with Hubert tomorrow.

"Well, here is your payment," he is handed a pouch of coins, and he feels the weight. Most like three gold and a few silver. "And as I said, a meal as well. You look famished honestly. I already told them to put an extra meal on my tab here."

It doesn't take long but Hades does get his meal, but instead of eating with the Comte, he excuses himself. The Comte does not seem to mind and Hades makes his way over to the corner of the room, where he was once before.

He comes to a stop when he realizes that yes, indeed she is there.

Her meal is half finished, and she spares him a look as he sits down at the table next to her.

"Fereldan."

"Kirkwall."

She nods just barely, acknowledging the nickname. "Satisfied the Comte I see?"

"Satisfied customers guarantee more jobs, and food," he murmurs as he digs into the beef on his plate.

"So you rely on word of mouth then, instead of bemoaning your lack of work and waiting for it to fall in your lap?" The Free March accent in her voice sharpens with those words.

Hades shakes his head, waits for his food to pass down his throat. He knows where the question is coming from. He admits many of his countrymen here do indeed act like that, but not all. "Not all of my fellows do that," he defends, but keeps his voice calm. "As for me, I see to have a knack for finding things, and it is getting my name to others. It keeps me busy and occupied, and the coin earned is worth it."

He feels her stare on him, and after a couple bites, he finally lets himself look at her. Once again his stomach tightens and his heart thumps.

The stare is not hard, nor is it intimidating. The color of her eyes alone can be intimidating and he feels like he is being pierced when he meets them. But she seems to be taking his measure. He realizes that this is what she had been doing during their past two meetings.

After a silent moment, he hears a "Hmm," from her.

"I feel like I surprised you."

She arches an eyebrow, taking a sip of her drink before turning back to him. "I have heard many complaints over the last year and a half about your countrymen. I only had a few dealings with them and those had left me with a wanting view of them. You seem to be breaking from that mold. I have heard the whispers, Messere. A Fereldan, but a Fereldan that offers to help and works hard."

"I suppose here is where I say you should not judge a group of people by what a few have done?" He asks lightly, knowing he was talking to a templar. "Some are the exception, and I do not think I am the only one."

"You are the exception, for the moment," she says. "But I judge by what I see and hear. It's what I am trained to do."

Ah yes, what she is trained to do. And he was trained and taught to hide, to keep a piece of himself hidden from so many.

"Did you grow up here or in one of the other city states?" He asks, a part of him curious, part of him trying to change the subject.

A moment of silence. They are both looking at each other, and once again he senses something has happened, but he is not sure what.

"Kirkwall is my home, yes I grew up here."

He feels a pang a the word home and looks away, down at his food. "My home is..was...Lothering."

"Was?"

He glances over, and sees her lips have tightened. As if the question escaped her before she could stop it.

"It was destroyed by the Horde. My family and I were running from there... it was the direction they took after Ostagar..we were lucky to get away from the Horde." Then this time his hand tightens it's grip on his fork.

Her gaze, so sharp and piercing, seems to see the tiny movement. "You lost someone before you were able to completely escape."

He nods. Takes a breath. "I can't..."

She holds up a hand. "I understand. No need."

Hades is grateful, and he smiles to indicate that. He takes a deep breath and decides he's done talking, but goes back to eating.

They both eat, at their tables, but next to each other.

Not talking, but not avoiding each other either. Just being in each other's company, as if they do not need words to continue what just happened between them.

So while his intent was not to linger after dealing with the Comte, he indeed finds himself doing so, even relaxing.

The company was worth it.

* * *

She watches as he leaves the Blades. Reflects on what was last said between them

_"You lost someone before you were able to completely escape." She saw the pain flash in his eyes, his hand tightening on the fork. A part of her wanted to comfort, but she does not understand. She does not do *comfort._

_He nods. Takes a breath. "I can't..."_

_She understands loss. Understands being unable to voice it. Holds up a hand._

_"I understand. No need."_

Conversation ended, but they ate their meal together, sitting at separate tables in her preferred darkened corner.

It was company.

She never cared to have company before.

Why is she letting it happen now?


	4. Act 1: Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POVS from Varric, Hades Hawke, and Meredith.

**  
Act 1- Interlude With Varric**    
 **Place: The Hanged Man**

  
  
Hades makes his way up the stairs and to Varric's room. The dwarf looks up and spreads his arms wide.

"Well, Hawke. Good to see you."

"You saw me the other day Varric." Hades sits down. "Got about ten more pieces of gold to add to the pile. Nearly there. The maps make sense yet?"

"Yes the maps are good my friend. Listen, Rivaini came sniffing around. Looks like she has something for us. Did you see her when you came in?"

Hades shakes his head. "She'll probably be at her spot in an hour or so."

Varric nods. "So, enjoying lunch time at the Blessed Blades?"

Hades stills. "Varric?"

"I got eyes and ears out there Hades, you know that. How do you think I've been able to make sure Daisy doesn't get lost or worse?" Varric refers to the latest addition of their lives. A very nice, very sweet, blood mage named Merill of the Dalish. The blood mage part made Hades uneasy, but so far his time spent with her has shown no instability.

_At least she's not possessed._

"I wound up there by accident the first time--"

"Hawke, it's got templars in it."

Hades pauses. "You haven't told Carver have you?"

"No, Junior doesn't know." The dwarf looks at Hades with concern. "I mean nothing so far has happened yet, but according to my sources you've been going in there a decent amount."

"Word spreads among the nobles about my ability to find things or fix things. Some of those nobles tend to be in Blessed Blades. They've arranged meetings in there. So I go. Plus food is good." Not to mention the company... the company is captivating.

Varric exhales, tapping his fingers on the wooden table. "All right my friend. All right. Just to let you know I've heard some rumors about a Sister looking for some help, and another about a missing boy from the alienage, I'm still doing some digging to make sure they're worth checking out. You have anything on tap?"

"Someone's looking for something called Redblossom Special. Put out feelers on where it can be? Oh and have you figured out that seal yet?"

"I'm having someone from the guild confirm my suspicions and if I am right we'll be able to return it to the rightful owners for a few coin. I'll look into this Special thing."  
  


*****************

  
  
  
Varric watches as the mage walks out of his room.

One of the perks of his job was to know things. And he knows his new friend had kept something from him.

According to his sources, he was going back to the Blessed Blades for more than just the food and the connections.

He sighs. He hadn't expected to like Hades Hawke so quickly. And now he does and now he's worried about him.

Meh. He just hopes that whoever is gaining his friend's interest, his friend won't get burned in the end.  
  
  
  


**Act 1- Interlude 2**   **Lowtown- Gamlen's Home**  
  
  


Hades groans as he lays down on the bed, tired and aching, but full. He had turned down a game of Wicked Grace but had a good meal at the Hanged Man, staying there instead of ending up at the Blessed Blades for his dinner.

The last few weeks had gone by for Hades in basically a series of jobs and dealings with the miners at the Bone Pit. He ended up losing some of the coin he gained to make sure that one, the miners were getting decent wages now, and two, also investing in some decent equipment.

But was able to gain some coin back, basically breaking even. There are some bright moments, smiles from people he helped, genuine thanks, helping a prince gain some closure after his family’s senseless murders, some good company in the form of Varric, getting Fenris to trust him, or at least not be as wary as he was in the beginning. The gulf between him and Carver is closing, thanks to those letters from Tobrius.

Father's apparent respect and friendship of sorts with the templar he named Carver after makes things a lot more clear now. He made sure to never demonize templars to Bethany and Hades, made sure to impart respect about what they do.

The last few weeks also had him showing up more and more at the Blessed Blades- sometimes early in the morning for breakfast with one of the nobles who would hire him, (Kirkwall was never there for breakfast), and he had a habit of having lunch there almost every day and having his lunch with Kirkwall if she showed up. Or dinner.

She had a schedule it seems. She showed up three times a week for lunch, same with dinner. But not always the same day. But it was always three times a week, never more.

Hades found that endearing.

Their meals together didn't always have conversation. Sometimes he felt no urge to talk, exhausted from doing things for Kirkwall's citizens or helping Aveline, or simply trying to survive. He did not doubt she had her rough days as well- she hid her stress well but he saw the cracks that peaked out now and then.

So sometimes they did not talk, just took in each other's company and ignored the world.

Other times they did. He would tell her about one of the jobs he did, finding something for someone, or the antics of another. He told her about meeting Pyral Harrowmont and feeling sad about how his line was being killed by the Dwarven King just because one of them opposed him.

Kirkwall came across sympathetic, but not verily, but mainly towards how he felt, seeming to understand why he wanted to help. But her reaction towards the politics of dwarves was mostly disinterest. He could understand that in a way. Sometimes some things are too far away to really understand.

He asked her some more about life as a templar, in careful questions, so not to as intrude into her time in the tavern, knowing it was her place to be 'away' so to speak.

She was a bit halting in her answers, and most of them, at the time, did not seem not very revealing, but when he would play them over later, he found himself understanding her even more. The fact that she answered him at all told him a lot.

Kirkwall was devout in her faith, Andrastian indeed, as well as her role as a templar. He thinks she cares for the mages, but holds herself back and presents herself as cold because she has to.

Hades has always been torn on belief. Father was Andrastian himself, but Hades he floundered with that, doubted and could not feel the same thing.

He tried to explain that the best he could to her, telling her about Father's firm faith but making sure to be as careful as possible with his words, (As comfortable as he and Kirkwall were becoming with each other, he never let himself forget that he is a mage and she is a templar.) and his own conflict about faith. He knew she was disappointed he was not devout like her, but it did not stop her from accepting his company nor talking to him.

They've talked about other things- little things that pass the time, but still are pieces of her and him. Books, food, the oddness of some of his jobs, the occasional tidbit from her day.

Yesterday he got the courage to ask about her diadem.

_"It..it was a gift." Her voice was soft, and it pulled him._

_"Someone important?"_

_She nods, but there was something there that told him to not press. So he took the little bit he got and kept it._

Their conversations sometimes flowed easily, other times there were starts and stops, as if they pressed something they couldn't touch and retreated.

Each time, Hades found himself drawn more and more to her, wanting to know more about Kirkwall, know her truly, hope that she would continue to let him know her. He was no longer hesitant about sitting in front of her, and it had progressed to the fact he longer had to ask.

Each time, he found himself drawn in, by her eyes, her voice, her mannerisms. Waiting for that quirk in her mouth or the gleam of amusement, or the softening in her usually icy eyes. She was compelling, striking, intimidating…

"Oh for the love of--" Carver's voice cuts through Hades's thoughts on Kirkwall. He hears a snarl from Gamlen and Hades sighs.

He can think about her later. Time to play peacemaker.

**  
  
  
Act 1 Interlude 3**   **The Gallows**

  
  
  
She's kneeling before the altar of Andraste, in the small worship site they have at the Gallows.

She's trying to steady her thoughts.

Her focus is to pray, for guidance, for strength, for vigilance to continue her duty to the mages, to guard them against their curse.

But her focus is erratic.

Her prayers keep getting interrupted.

By him.

A few more meals, a few more conversations and her curiosity and interest is growing. Her comfort level with a companion during a time she carved aside for herself is expanding.

His presence is welcome, yet she struggles to understand why she wants it, when she has no need of company for so long.

She sees Fereldan as a man who wants to do good, who works hard to get into this expedition he told her about, which is to help his family. She sees a man that tries to guard much but reveals more with his eyes than words.

When the light of the tavern reaches the edge of their darkened corner, bringing a slight glow that hits him, his features are more outlined and yesterday it hit her.

He is handsome.

She never noticed someone for their looks before.

Nor cared when they smiled, or laughed.

Or waited to see if they would show.

This is what is driving her now, to kneel, and to pray.

For answers.

Her duty is foremost. She must remain strong, to guard, to be watchful. To be vigilant. To protect Kirkwall.

Yet somewhere, deep inside her, seems to want more.


	5. Act 1: Aftermath of Magistrate's Orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades has a crisis of conscience, and later seeks out Fenris.

**Act 1- The Blessed Blades**

 

No one called him there for a meeting, he wasn't trying to escape a gang at night.

The only person he was trying to escape from was his mother. And Carver.

And Isabela.

Fenris.

Probably Varric and Merrill too. And Anders.

Okay, he was avoiding everyone.

That business with the magistrate and his son... it was too much and he didn't want to drown his sorrows in the Hanged Man or even try to avoid company at Gamlen's, because it wouldn't work.

Because Gamlen would be there. Mother too.

He couldn't bring himself to kill the man, despite his pleas. He was clearly troubled and did horrible things, but to have someone plea for him to end his life? It was unnerving. It was unsettling. Lia's father wanted the man dead, and he could understand the outrage. Kelder did so much wrong against a group of people constantly ignored and abused by almost everyone else.

Injustices were committed, and the attitude of the Guardsmen he encountered… he was going to have to talk to Aveline about it.

Fenris did it. Fenris did it would pause or questioning.

_“If you cannot, then I will,”_  Fenris’s voice echoes in his mind as he takes a long drink from his mug.

He sometimes wished he had Fenris's strength. He wishes he had the courage to ask Fenris what he thought of him at that moment, asking him to do something he could not do.

So here he was at the Blessed Blades. At night.. In the dark spot at a table. With a drink.

Apparently alcohol was carefully served here. Because of the frequent patronage of the templars, alcohol was only given to those who were not templars.

They also had a strict cutoff. He was warned. Three drinks. He was on his second.

"You are staring at that drink as if it can solve your problems, Fereldan."

It was  _her._

He got there an hour before he expected she would. He had wondered if she would pick this night for dinner.

"I know it won't be." He sighs, rubs his face.

She makes a huff like sound, the one she made when he first sat down near her. She does not move to another table though, he sees her sit at his.

"You had business with a magistrate."

He looks up sharply, frowning. "How--"

"Word gets to me, even in the Gallows, Fereldan," she says in an even tone. "Word spread about a Fereldan was hired to bring in a murderer, instead a dead murderer was brought back. Apparently the Magistrate was very upset."

"I bet he was," Hades mutters, remembering the threat the Magistrate muttered as he walked away.

"And here you are, drinking over this?"

"Have you ever had someone ask you to kill him?" He blurts out.

A pause. Silence stretches for a minute.

"Yes," this time her answer is soft. Hades wants to ask who, why, but she makes a motion with her hand, silently telling him to continue talking.

"It was unsettling. Unnerving. I've... killed in defense. To protect myself. They were attacking me." He frowns, wonders why he is saying so much. "But...he had no weapon, he wasn't attacking me, he just simply asked me, pleaded with me, to kill him."

"Considering he is dead--"

"It wasn't me. It was another." He won't name names. She might not be Aveline, or the Guard, but he won't risk a friend, and yes Fenris was becoming a friend, getting into trouble over the death of a troubled and murderous man was not an option.

"So the other took the choice from you, because you felt you could not do it."

He grimaces at that. "He asked, I consented. That's just as bad."

"No."

He looks up, startled, meets her gaze. Her normally ice blue eyes were just a little soft, but not much.

"No?"

"It takes as much strength to let another do a dark but necessary deed, just as much to resist. The other offered, you accepted, they did the deed. Sometimes you cannot use your own hand to administer justice, so you use what is necessary."

He used Fenris then. Well that just makes it better. He's no better than Danarius that way.

"That does not sit well."

"Then I might as well be no better than the man that enslaved him prior."

Another pause. "You appear to be quite complicated, Fereldan."

Hades chuckles, runs a hand through his hair. "I don't want to be... think it's just the situation. Still fresh. None of it sits right."

"If it sat right, then that would be a worry. Sometimes the right path is not the easiest path," she says, her voice soft, the Kirkwall accent adding to the softness of it this time, not making it sharp.

"Clearly it is not."

She raises her own cup. "To the right path then?"

He nods. "The right path."

 

 

**(Later- Fenris’s Mansion)**

 

 

Fenris opens the door, and Hades swallows.

“What is it Hawke? It is late.”

“I...I want to apologize.”

Fenris’s green eyes widen, he looks puzzled. Hades had ended up switching over to water while Kirkwall ate her dinner. She also told him to get something to eat, and he did, but he could not eat much.

“You are not a tool,” Hades says after a moment, his voice firm. “I let you use yourself as one earlier, and I do not think that makes me any better than Danarius right now.”

Fenris stares at him, staying silent. Hades wonders how much time he has before he gets blasted by the elf. He likes Fenris, enjoyed the conversations they have had while they have worked together. He respects the man for what he has done to escape the chains that Danarius put on him.

“You should come in,” Fenris finally says.

Hades shifts on his feet. “I uh--”

Fenris says. ‘Mages,” he mutters, and grabs Hades, yanking him inside and shutting the door. Hades places a hand on the statue nearby to make sure he does not trip.

“Have you been drinking, Hades?” Fenris asks, turning to him.

“Not enough to get drunk. Blessed Blades does not let that happen,” Hades shrugs. “Kirkwall made sure I switched to water and had something to eat before I left.”

And he just said that. Did he just really.. Yes, yes he did.

Fenris pauses in his movements then, stares at him. His mouth opens once, twice. “Did you just say you were at the Blessed Blades?” His voice is incredulous now. “The tavern where templars go? Hades, you are a Mage!”

Hades sighs. “It’s not like I can forget that, Fenris.”

“And who is this Kirkwall?”

Hades feels his face warm. “I said too much.”

“On the contrary, you have not said enough.” Fenris scowls. “I am finding myself worried about you. Worried about a mage of all things.”

“I can fix that. You can stop agreeing to help me out with my jobs and refuse to go the Deep Roads with me when I ask you.”

Fenris huffs, then does his chuckle laugh thing when he is amused. “And who would take my place? The Dalish witch who trucks with demons? The abomination? Isabela? Guard Captain Vallen?”

“Aveline.”

“The only one worthy of the group,” Fenris snarks. “Now, what is this about using me as a tool and you being no better than Danarius?”

“Kelder.”

A solemn look passes over Fenris’s features. “I offered, Hades.”

“Because I was too weak to do it.”

Fenris frowns. “I do not think you were weak. You are interesting for a mage yes. But I saw the dilemma. You have only fought when attacked. During the battles we have had, you do your own share of fighting, but you also primarily focus on us, healing us when needed and making sure we are protected. You are not the type of person that would face an unarmed man who is pleading for death and do what he asks. It is against your nature. For me, it is not against mine.”

“But.. but Danarius made you be like that,” Hades protests. “And then, I let you do it. You are not a tool Fenris, and I let you use yourself like one.”

Fenris shrugs. “I am still learning to be myself. It is easier to fall back on the habits of the past. But everything Danarius made me do, Hades.. I did not have a choice. Oh I could have refused I suppose, but my punishment would have been severe. So I did it. I did not let myself think. You did not order me to kill Kelder. I made the offer of my own free will, my own choosing. Perhaps I became a tool, but I did that freely. That is not on you, you ridiculous mage.”

Hades nods, accepting the man’s words. It still does not feel right, then again the whole situation was just wrong.

“Now, because you piqued my curiosity, why are you going to a tavern that is frequented heavily by templars and who is this Kirkwall?”

Hades decides to imitate the man and by extension, Kirkwall, by arching an eyebrow. “Being nosy are you?”

“Just thinking of how to prepare your aggravating brother and your mother with the news that you have been captured.”

“I am not reckless, Fenris.”

“I beg to differ. You are an apostate. You have tempted fate going to the Gallows on business and are tempting fate now.”

Hades shifts on his feet, feeling the urge to spill, and tell Fenris everything. He cannot tell Carver, let alone mother. Varric seems to know but not really.

“Most of the people who have helped me get jobs or given me jobs go there, it’s a good way to get my name known and for people to know me. Hiding in plain sight and all that.”

“Interesting strategy.” Fenris waits a moment then- “And Kirkwall?”

This time Hades knows he really is turning red and he looks away at the wall. “She calls me Fereldan, so I call her Kirkwall. She’s a templar, but...we have meals together. And we... well talk.”

“I see.”

He sneaks a glance at the elf. “Oh?”

“Be careful, Hades,” Fenris cautions. “I see the look on your face. Do not forget who she is and who you are.”

Hades smiles, feeling a little sad at that. “I do not think I will be able to forget that.”


	6. Act 1: A Second Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A templar such as she should not be so enamored with a gruff looking Fereldan who keeps things close to himself, with wide brown eyes that look like they want to say so much but do not know what to say sometimes. She recognizes that, she keeps things close to herself.
> 
> As much as she tried to keep herself from being curious about her companion, to remain dismissive, it did not take. It did not last past the first meeting. Something about him calls out to her.

 

 

**Blessed Blades**

 

Her hand was wrapped around the mug of water, one finger tapping against the ceramic as she waited for her dinner to be brought to her. The tavern had a little more lighting in it, but it still did not reach the darkened corner she sought out. It hit the edges, just giving enough of a dim light that she could see her food, her drink.

And her companion.   
  
Fereldan.

He was not here. She did not know if he would come. He had not been in the tavern at all the past week.

She found herself missing his presence, his company.

She missed his voice.

It had the Fereldan accent, but it was soft, patient. It could get sharp, but only if during their conversations a topic got broached got too close to whatever he held to his chest.

She had been going to the Chantry more and more since this...started. Trying to see if she was falling down on her faith, on her calling by indulging in this... whatever this is.

She cannot afford to fail. Her faith, or her calling. Too many relied on her. The mages needed her clear headed, her templars needed her clear headed. She had done her duty, taken care of her charges without hesitance or reluctance for years. She had stepped up when leadership was weak, and taken control, to keep leadership strong. 

Because the foolish sop of a Viscount knew nothing of leadership.   
  
But here, in the Blessed Blades, where she could retreat from her duty and faith, she could relax. She could take a meal, and simply be content.   
  
For the longest time it was just her in this corner. She was content with that. She did not have that yearning for company that so many newly recruited Templars did, nor the seasoned ones.   
  
Until now.

Until the company she had been getting has been gone for an entire week of meals and conversations.

A cleared throat forces herself to bring her focus from her thoughts to the present. The waitress, Keeley, was there.

"Here you are,” she says in her usual cheery tone, setting her plate of food down.

"Thank you," she says curtly, and the waitress walks off.

A templar such as she should not be so enamored with a gruff looking  Fereldan who keeps things close to himself, with wide brown eyes that look like they want to say so much but do not know what to say sometimes.  She recognizes that, she keeps things close to herself.

As much as she tried to keep herself from being curious about her companion, to remain dismissive, it did not take. It did not last past the first meeting. Something about him calls out to her.   
  
Yet, again, she focuses on the fact that the one that calls out to her has not been here for a week.   
  
She thinks she should be mad, upset. He has thrown her routine out of order. Where she was once perfectly happy being here in her corner, by herself, relaxing without any need to talk to anyone, he came in one day and ruined it all.   
  
She had not needed anyone in a long time.

Now she seems to.

 

 

**The Gallows- Almost Another Week Later**

 

She sees him.   
  
After two weeks of not seeing him at all in the Blessed Blades, she now sees him in the Gallows.   
  
He's in the courtyard, with three others. An elf with strange markings, a dwarf- the brother of the Bartrand Tethras, that she knows. Everyone knows who Bartrand is. He's also the dwarf that is putting together some expedition to the Deep Roads, the expedition that Fereldan has been doing so many of those jobs to earn coin for to join. The other member of their group is another young man, who has similar looks to Fereldan. The brother then? Fereldan talked about them, but did not give names, just described them.   
  
She stops where she is, and watches. She has the time to do so. He is in her home  after all.   
  
She has a good view of him. He looks exhausted, even more  so than when he had been in that tavern, trying to come to terms with what happened with that son of the Magistrate. He also looks a little dirty, and he has a look of sadness across his features.   
  
It is then she realizes he is talking to one of her senior Templars, Eimeric. She remembers him telling her about a mage, Mharen, had gone missing. A few days ago he had returned, stating he found out the hard  way he is getting too old to do investigations such as the one about Mharen. That had been a little over a week now.   
  
If Fereldan is here to talk to Eimeric, she thinks she knows what Fereldan has been doing.   
  
Helping her Templar.   
  
She watches as Eimeric and Fereldan shake hands, and she keeps watch as Fereldan moves away. She tells herself she is doing so because again, he is in her home. It is not because she can see how weary he is. It is not because she is concerned.

He has a quick conversation with Thrask, a templar that could stand to be a little less soft and bit more hard. It only last a couple minutes, before Fereldan moves on, eventually leaving the Gallows.

She waits, then heads down stairs, eventually coming up to Thrask. He jumps a bit when he sees her.

"What are you doing Ser Thrask?" She asks sharply.

"Apparently getting aid in the search for the half elf boy," Thrask says softly.   
  
Fenyriel. She had been informed of the situation. "The man that just left?"

Thrask nods quickly. "He asked a couple questions about the boy and then said he would see what he could do."

"I see."

"I swear to you, I did not seek out others to do a task for a Templar. I have simply no idea where Fenyriel might have gone. The Fereldan offered help, and while I am unsure of it, I am welcoming it. It should do no harm."   
  
Unless the boy strikes out at the Fereldan and she loses the first companion she has had in a long time at the emotional whims of an untrained mage who is being tempted by demons.

It would not surprise her if it does.

"If it does, then I will hold you responsible Ser Thrask," she says coldly. "It is our duty, our calling to protect the citizens of Kirkwall from the dangers of mages and mages from themselves. If your failure to do a simple job endangers the lives of those who think they can do your job," she stresses and finds satisfaction in making the templar wince, "then you and I will be having a talk about your capabilities. Am I clear?" 

"Yes.”


	7. Act 1: Aftermath of Wayward Son and The First Sacrifice/The Beginning of Enemies Against Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades has had a couple exhausting weeks while trying to take care of some matters. A visit from his new companion helps.

 

 

**Act 1- The Blessed Blades**

 

  
  
Apparently the Blessed Blades had rooms on the upper floor. So it really was an upperclass version of The Hanged Man.   
  
A room was suggested to Hades when he came in during the lunch meal (Wandered in more like, he got away from his brother and his feet pulled him to the tavern). The waitress Keeley took one look at him and said in an alarmed tone he might be better off getting some sleep before getting some food.    


So.. he soon found himself paying for a room.    


The last couple of weeks had been exhausting- physically, mentally. Dead women and a kid who was getting terrorized in his sleep by demons and needed to be  trained as a mage. 

Hades felt horrible telling the kid to go to the Circle, but he had no idea about the powers Fenyriel had, didn't know if the Dalish could actually do anything and there was no time to really discuss that. Hades already made himself known to the templar in charge, and if the kid went missing after he announced he would help...    


Then the thing with Ghyslain's wife. Talking to the templar Eimeric. Finding a pile of... Hade shudders. The darkness of  Kirkwall got to him sometimes. This and Fenyriel affected his sleep. He was getting looks from Mother, mutterings from Carver, the occasional long stare from Fenris.    


Even Anders noticed, and that man looked like he hardly ever slept.    
  
Life of a healer.    
_  
And an abomination._

That and he was now trying to figure out what was going on with missing templar recruits. Macha's words about the Knight Commander Meredith Stannard haunted him, as well as the other comments he heard. 

He wondered how Kirkwall felt about the Knight Commander. Every time he had a minute to pause and think, those whispers would echo in his mind. 

The Knight Commander was spoken of with fear and animosity, respect and wariness. She sounded terrifying to the mage part of him, but he also knew he shouldn't listen to gossip.

Then why did he stay away from the Blessed Blades for so long?

Because the gossip got to him. Because for some reason every time someone spoke in such a way about the Knight Commander, he kept thinking about Kirkwall and their conversations in the darkened corner. And he didn't want those horrible whispers associated with the woman he had this inexplicable connection with.    


And it hurt staying away, not coming here, not seeing her, not talking to her. 

Sleep came easy though, on a soft bed, paid with a couple gold coins that he knew he should not have, but did anyway.    


He slept for a few hours, getting up in time for the dinner crowd. He felt better than had in the last few weeks, and he knew he only woke because his stomach was grumbling. He washed up in the wash room, and dressed.    


However when he opened the door to go downstairs, he found himself face to face with--

"Kirkwall?"

There she was, standing right in front of him, her usual ice blue eyes staring at him. Finally facing her in the light was an interesting contrast to always being in her company when the light downstairs just curled around the edges of their darkened corner.   
  
"Well Fereldan, I was wondering if you had forgotten about the Blessed Blades." Her voice was cool, but.. there was something else there. Irritation?    


"How did you--"

"Keeley. She said my dinner companion was here, and in this room, and she was quite worried about you." Each word was clipped, her Free Marches accent on full blast. "Apparently you had come in here earlier looking like death warmed over, her words, and she made sure you got a room."    


"Then you decided to come up here and make sure I made it down for a meal?" Hades asks,  feeling a bit distracted as he is unable to look away from her. Standing in front of him, with her templar armor, her diadem shining in the lightened hallway, she was more than striking in her beauty. She was dazzling and sharp, just like her eyes and her voice, but there was a subtle softness there too, that softness that reached into him, made him realize how much he missed simply being in her company.    


She stiffens just slightly and Hades realized his staring may be the cause of it.   
  
"Apologies," Hades murmurs, forcing himself to look away for a minute.  "I am still waking up," He tries to explain away the staring, thinking a good smack from himself might also help. "It's been.. a little rough." 

She nods, and the ice in her eyes melts just a little.  "I have heard of your work with the templars, Fereldan. You need a meal unless you wish to starve yourself instead of simply drive yourself into exhaustion." She says, her sharp voice also softening just a touch, enough for me to notice, before she turns and walks towards the stairwell that leads below.

His heart thumps, and Hades realizes more firmly now that he may not have been the only one affected by their connection. And that she may have just been as  confused by his absence, which he caused because of his mixed up feelings for her and the stories regarding her Knight Commander. 

He knows he owes her some sort of explanation. She is forthright enough to do so. And clearly she cared if she came to his room, even if she was stiff and sharp while talking to him. The softness was still there.    


His Kirkwall was full of fascinating contradictions.

  
Wait.

  
_ His Kirkwall? _

 

**Downstairs- An Hour Later**

It took some time, and a good meal for things to just sort of settle for Hades as he sat in front of Kirkwall. 

He still tries to ignore those whispers and gossip about the Knight Commander, because he's in the company of someone he prefers to focus on. 

"You have been helping the templars," Kirkwall states, as she watches him take a drink.

He pauses. "I thought you did not want to talk to templar business in here," he says, knowing he sounds evasive as hell. 

A slight quirk on the right side. A tell that says she is amused. "I try not to, but it seems it will happen from time to time, Fereldan. Especially if you continue to help." She eyes him a moment longer. "You have not been sleeping much." 

"That obvious is it?" He runs a hand over his face, then through his short brown hair. "I did not intend to get involved in templar business, it just... happened." And he was still doing it, by trying to help Macha out. 

He was not going to mention that he would be going to Gallows tomorrow.

She nods. "It appears you were able to help without risking yourself, especially in regards to the elf mage."  
  
Hades frowns a little. "He was just scared. He heard stories, his mother.." Hades shakes his head, then rubs the back of his neck.   
  


_ Careful brother _ , he hears Carver admonish him. 

"I don't feel like going into it. I just hope Fenyriel gets the help he needs in the Circle," he murmurs. Hades takes a moment then to look at Kirkwall. Her eyes soften just enough for him to notice. She nods.

"He will. It is our duty to help the mages."

Hades takes that for what she says. He knows he has to be careful, not to slip, but her faith in her job as a templar, her need and want to do good, as well as everything else he is learning about her, calls to him.

"My other job just simply wound up crossing paths with the templar Eimeric. Please, do not ask. I.. do not think I can bring myself to talk about that one."

She seems to understand, and he does not doubt it. A templar has their own stories they cannot likely bring themselves to talk about. "Well then, tell me about something else. Any other interesting jobs you have had in your quest to gather coin for your expedition?"

Hades takes a moment to think, then remembers one that makes him smile and notices how Kirkwall straightens as he gets ready to tell her.


	8. Act 1: A Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Hades comes to a realization about something regarding his templar companion, he ends up seeking out Fenris who helps in his own way.

**Act 1: Fenris's 'Borrowed' Hightown Estate**

 

In between his hunt for answers regarding the missing recruits and trying to figure out what leads to follow, as well as making sure his family does not starve, Hades has an epiphany of sorts.   
  
It comes after he leaves Blessed Blades for the night,  after he has told Kirkwall about how he ended up doing a job for a former boss of his (Athenril- they got along decently enough but things ended stormily between them when she wanted to have them work longer for her.) and then found himself self lying to Athenril about the results.   


He admitted to Kirkwall that he had lied to his former boss about the results, that it did not sit well with him but he honestly saw no other recourse from what he had witnessed prior.    
  


_ "The whole story was not told to you," she had said. "I do not approve of the lying, but your heart saw more. So you acted as your heart told you."  _

_ "I did." _

_ "Be careful listening to your heart, Fereldan," she says softly, a caution in her tone. "It will lead you down a path you may regret. Listen to your head more." _

_ He finds himself smiling. "Getting worried about me?"  _

_ He gets a look from her, one he is quite used to. "Do not get used to it, Fereldan."  _ _   
_

__ "I think I will, despite the warning," he teases. He takes note of the exhaustion in her eyes, exhaustion she hides very well sometimes but it slips through the cracks. Most of the time when he asks, she waves it off.   
_   
_ __ "And you? Is your heart and head all right? No paths trying to lead you astray?" 

_ "This is not about me--" _

_ Hades holds up a hand. "We have become friends yes?" Although some part of him yearns.. For something else. "You worry about me," she sniffs at that, "so I get to worry about you." _ _   
_

__ She glances away from him then, and he notices a faint red color to her pale cheeks.   
__   
__ "Has.. has no one ever expressed worry for you?" He asks carefully.   
  
__ She will not  look at him, wont let him see her vulnerability. His Kirkwall, always holding her apart, guarded almost, but the cracks sometimes showed when she half-smiled, or her eyes twinkled(glittered) with humor and amused laughter she would not voice.

_ "No." she says finally.  _

_ His heart now aches, but he does his best to not show how he hurts for her, _

__ "Well, now someone has."   
  
__ She looks at him now, and the vulnerability he senses is in her eyes, and he feels like Fenris has punched through him. Then that vulnerability is shuttered and she turns her attention back to her food as Hades is left reeling. 

 

So now here he is, at Fenris's borrowed mansion, and instead of knocking politely like he always does, (He ignores the automatic lecture from his mother that echoes in the back of his head, he'll feel guilty later) and  just opens the door.

He finds Fenris in the study, who had a sword gripped in his hands. 

"Oh, it is you," Fenris scowls. "You usually knock, Hades."

"I'm in love with her." 

Fenris blinks at the words he just tossed out. 

"It's not me just trying to have a friendship with her, it's.. I am in love with her." 

He's so screwed. She's not like other templars, she's not like the templar that let Father walk away from the Circle. 

"I can literally see the panic wheeling about in that head of yours," Fenris's words reach through the haze in his head and Hades shakes his head. 

"I think I need a drink Fenris." 

"I think you need more than that."   
  
It takes about three drinks for Hades to stop feeling panic. It takes about an hour of talking to Fenris for him to stop feeling like the end of the world has happened to him. 

He is in love with a templar.

A templar with ice blue eyes and blonde hair, that is just a little bit taller than him, whose beauty is striking, a templar who is devout in her faith and in her job.

But she is not just a templar.

She is a woman as well, who tries her hardest to shed her templar skin when at the Blessed Blades, a place where she can relax as much as she is able. Who has softened enough to let him join her for meals and to have long conversations with. Who has let small pieces of herself be known- every piece she revealed he hoarded.   
  
She may not be like Carver's namesake, and he may have to hide his magical nature from her.. but he thinks he can handle this.  Perhaps time... perhaps eventually, after some time...   
  
"I should stay away," Hades mutters. "This is more than just me becoming friends with a templar. As much as I want to ignore the templar part, I cannot. It would be like trying to ignore that I am a mage."  
  
"Have you not been doing that the entire time you have been talking and eating with her?" 

Hades stills. "What?"   
  
"You have had no problem until now, talking with this templar, this Kirkwall, you called her. You were fine with ignoring a part of yourself- admit it, you were doing just that by becoming a friend in a way with her. You were lying to yourself about your nature then, how is it any different than now?"  
  
Hades sighs and looks up from the floor, meeting Fenris's gaze. "Because there is more at stake."   
  
"Love." Fenris snorts. "I will profess I have never known nor do I remember knowing love, but in a way, does not everyone who has ever been in love, lied in some sort of way?"   
  
Hades frowns. "Not that I recall. Not exactly a good foundation. Plus I doubt my feelings would ever be reciprocated.  Are you.. are you trying to encourage me to continue with this?" He looks at the man. "Fenris, there is no way this can even go in a good direction. I am a mage, she is a templar, I was risking enough as it was just by becoming friends with her."  A part of him hurts at the thought at not seeing her. 

"Indeed. And yet you were willing to take that risk, every time you went to the Blessed Blades, every time you shared a meal with her, every time you talked with her. You know yourself Hades, and as I have spent more time in your company as well, I am getting to know you as well. You do not want to stay away from her, as much as you think you want to and need to, I doubt very much you will be able to. I am not encouraging anything Hades, I am simply telling you the way it is. The way you know it is. Every sensible instinct in you is screaming that this is not wise, but what does your heart say? You will not be able to stay away. Despite reason dictating otherwise." 

"You make it sound so final."   


"It is. You are ensnared," Fenris says dryly. "Now the only thing laid in front of you, is how best to navigate this while you are."   


Hades wants so much right now. He has done so much for everyone else, done his best to help Mother, to help Gamlen, to help Carver, the others, without thought to his own desires. But he wants her, Hades wants so much right now, and he selfishly desires something for himself for once.   


He's working hard to get coin for the expedition, so they can get Mother's estate back, so that they can make sure to have something to hold the templars back , so Carver will be able to figure out what he wants to do once some of the pressure is off. Risking his own life for a measure of safety for his mother, of choice for his brother.   


Everyone wants and needs so much and he's doing what he can to help them. Yet here is, knowing how dangerous it is for him to even think about wanting something with his Kirkwall, and still wanting it.   


A sigh from Fenris. “You have made your choice, you just needed to hear it said. Know that I am here.”    


"Thank you Fenris, I know.. I know you have your concerns, especially about me, but I appreciate this."   


Fenris nods. "I simply told you the truth, nothing more. And now you have that answer to the question I asked you when we first met."    


Hades frowns, cocks his head to the right in question.  
  
"I asked what it is you seek? You said nothing, but sounded unsure. You were seeking something, mage," he mockingly says the word now but there is aggression behind it, "but now that it is in your grasp, you fear it.” 

"Everyone else would tell you that you should tell me to stay away from her."

"Everyone else can keep their opinions to themselves."


	9. Act 1: A Realization 2.0/Returning Something of Value

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades isn't the only figuring things out. Nor is he the only one seeking out advice. 
> 
> Also, Hades seeks out Sebastian Vael, to return an item to him that was found.

**Act 1: The Chantry**

 

She kneels down in front of the statue of Andraste, softly reciting the chant, then her vow to the Templar Order. 

An hour after Fereldan left Blessed Blades, she came here. To seek guidance. To seek answers.   
  
She has lived well all these years, not needing anything else but the Order and the Chantry. Her faith and her calling. She serves a higher purpose, she protects and guides, but also has a firm hand and does what others cannot.   
  
Her life has always been for the Order.   
  
The moments she carved out in the Blessed Blades, with him, were for her, in a selfish way. As dutiful and dedicated, as devoted as she has been to the Maker and to her duty, she had felt she had the right to those moments. 

But tonight, as she kneels here, praying and reciting, she has realized that those moments she greedily took, the enjoyment of companionship, the delight in learning about another that is far removed from her Order, has manifested into something that she had vowed to not feel.   
  
Love.

A templar’s duty does not have room for such nonsense. Their heart must be strong, their mind as well, and be focus and vigilant.

Is this a punishment? Has she strayed from her path? She knows she has not, no mage has fallen to temptation under her watchful eye. No templar has fallen. 

Can she have room for love? With her duty and faith? 

“There is something on your mind,” she hears a voice say behind her. She knows who it is. 

A hand on her  shoulder, she stops reciting and looks up, meeting the gaze of the older woman she has come to respect and lean on for guidance- not too much, but only when there is conflict. 

“What is it?”   
  
“I have conflict,” she whispers. 

A gentle smile. “Tell me.”   
  
She shakes her head. “You will think less of me.”    
  
“I sincerely doubt it. You come here seeking truth, answers. I will help with that.” 

The words spill out of her mouth, telling the older woman about the companion she nicknamed Fereldan, how he calls her Kirkwall, her reluctance, then acceptance of his company, their shared meals, her worry, his gentle caring, what he said to her most recently. 

“And is it so wrong he cares for you?” The older woman asks kindly, but there is something in her eyes, that she can’t quite label.   
  
“I...I have--”   
  
“It happens to the best of us, to all of us. This will not weaken you. You have always been strong, always been alert. Always been devout. In your faith, in your duty. You have never swayed, and this, the love you have discovered will not make you sway.” 

“Are you sure? I am feeling…”   
  
“Unbalanced? Because this is new. That is all it is. Take this love and use it. Love is as powerful as faith and duty, and combined it will make you the strongest you need to be. You know you must never waver in your duty, but this will ensure you never do.”   
  
“Are you telling me I should embrace it? Not push it away?” She is confused. This is not something she is used to and she does not like it. “How does this not conflict with what I do? Who I am?”   
  
“Oh my dear, there will alway be a conflict. But you know you are strong to know which wins out. Templars have fallen in love before, but have not let it stray them from their faith or duty. Love is a strength, an added strength that the Maker and Andraste has sent to you. So that even on those troubling days where a hard choice must be done, to protect a mage from themselves or to protect the city and the other templars, you can reach and use that love to help strengthen your devotion and faith. Because even sometimes, we struggle. Do not be afraid.” 

“I am not afraid.”    
  
The older woman smiles and she realizes that yes, she is not afraid. She is worried, but as always she respects the wisdom from the older woman. Always has. 

“Tell me more of your Fereldan,” the older woman pauses, and then her tone turns teasing, “Kirkwall.”

 

**Act 1- Returning An Item Of Value**

 

He stumbled across the locket while selling and trading with the merchants, both in Lowtown and in Hightown. 

Carver had pointed out during one job they had some time ago, that some of the items they found had value and could help earn the coin needed to fund their half of the expedition. Hades felt uneasy taking items off of the people they ended up killing, but it did not seem to bother his companions. Carver was more practical about it, Fenris explained it was how he kept himself fed while running and well, Hades understood that, and thus after one complaint ceased his own objections. 

The locket however was something he found he could not sell, once he saw the inscription.

_ To my dear Meghan Vael, forever shall we be, and never shall we part.  _

Vael. The name of the prince, well Chantry Brother, he had helped about…..a month back? Hmm. Sebastian Vael put up a reward for anyone to take, that they would  if they dealt with the mercenary company that killed his family. Hades had come across the job after leaving the Viscount with his son. (He was glad he found the boy in one piece, not glad that a Qunari died before he got there…) 

So here he was now, in the Chantry. He had stopped here a few times before- to bring back some effects of a sister that died, to give Sebastian the news of the mercenary company had been dealt with, and… 

“Are you in need?” 

Hades starts, realizes he has been staring at the statue of Andraste instead of seeking out the Vael. He sees an older woman in front of him, her eyes regarding him carefully. A gentle patient smile, but he notices it does not reach those careful eyes.   
  
“I came to deliver something to Sebastian Vael.”    
  
Her eyes narrow, a gleam of something appears. “You are the one that quenched his need for.. justice,” she says in a tone that gives Hades nothing how she feels, although he feels judged. Hades finds himself looking down on the floor, to gather himself, to take a breath. After a moment he looks back up, meet the woman’s gaze.

Revered Mother perhaps? Not a Sister. 

“I found something that belongs to him, I did not realize I had it until now- I thought he would want it. I know I would, if someone had something that belonged to my family,” Hades says softly. 

“I am here, Elthina, I can handle this,” Sebastian Vael’s voice says just a few feet away, out of Hades’s sight but he recognizes the thick accent. The older woman watches as Sebastian then comes into view, then nods and steps away. 

“Hades Hawke yes?” Sebastian asks, a slight smile there, warmth in the man’s eyes. “What is it that you found?”   
  
“I am sorry I did not realize I had this earlier, I must have found it on one of the mercenaries,” Hades hands the locket over, watches as Sebastian turns it over in his hand, and reads the words Hades had felt sorrow over when he did.

“Ah, Aunt Meghan,” Sebastian says softly. “She was a wonderful lady, I remember always seeing her fiddling with it whenever I saw her.” His hands close over it, then press it against his chest. “Thank you for bringing this to me, and no need for that apology. Sometimes things escape our notice for a time.”   
  
Hades nods. “I hope it helps and brings some comfort.”   
  
“It does. I have to say, Messere Hawke, you give your Fereldan countrymen a good example to follow. I hope they see this of you,” Sebastian says kindly. Hades watches as the prince, well Brother, walks away. He stops by the older woman who clearly has some rank here and he shows her the locket. The older woman pats him on the arm, says something to him and Sebastian’s head bows, not in sorrow it seems but in respect Hades thinks. 

Not for him to see, his mind whispers. Instead he turns his attention to the statue of Andraste. He does not feel comfortable here, nor uncomfortable. His staff, as always disguised as a sword, weighs heavily against him, reminding him of who he is.. What he is. 

His  thoughts move from his nature, to Kirkwall. How often does she come here? Most likely every time she comes to Hightown  he imagines. She is devout enough to do so. She probably feels no unease here, welcome, comfortable.

Faith is a funny thing. His father had faith, had his own views, same as Mother. Hades, he tried. Some days he felt like he could understand, other days he could not. 

Hades shakes himself, forces himself to look away from the statue. He looks to his right- Sebastian and the older woman are no longer there, but one of the sisters he had seen before is. She sees him, smiles,and he returns the greeting before he forces himself to leave.

He has a rumor to follow up on, a Chantry sister in Lowtown seeking something it seems at night. Varric had heard about it, and said he thinks she’ll be there when the sun goes down.  

 

 

*****************   
  


  
  
“He is a good man,” Sebastian watches from above as Hawke leaves the Chantry. He feels Elthina presence by his side. “I thank the Maker and Andraste for guiding him like this. He is different from his fellow Fereldans.”    
  
Silence on his side and he looks over to see the Grand Cleric, the woman who has helped him grieve and lectured him on vengeance, watching with narrow eyes on the departing figure of Hawke. 

“Grand Cleric?”

“Hmm? Oh Sebastian, yes it does appear as such does it not? I still do not condone what you have done, but perhaps having this small memento returned to you, will bring you the peace you need to focus on your faith, on the Maker and Andraste,” she says firmly, but with a gentle tone. “No more vengeance, Sebastian. It does not take you to a path that is good for you. The Maker may have sent you this Hades Hawke, but even he should not have been such an instrument for that.”

“He has helped many others though, Elthina. I have heard his name on many lips, praising him for being the help he brought. But yes, I do not think our paths will cross like this again. I will send my thanks, and my prayers, for this and for him.” 

“ "Then I should pray for this Hades Hawke as well, it seems.  If the Maker has sent a gift to Kirkwall, we should hope it is not wasted."  


	10. Act 1: Aftermath of Shepherding Wolves/Continuing of Enemies Among Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades gets roped into a game of Wicked Grace after dealing with the shady side of faith, thanks to Mother Petrice and her plots.
> 
> Then the events of dealing with missing templars take form, and blood magic is revealed. Hades, despite his wariness of Anders, helps out in the clinic for a breather from everthing.

**Act 1- Two Days Later- The Hanged Man**

 

And then there’s the otherside of the Chantry that makes Hades wonder, falter, and struggle about faith.

Because if faith drives Mother Petrice, then faith is a double edged sword.

Ketojan, or Saarabas, as the Qunari handler called him, had his own faith. And his own faith made him choose death.

The Qun is horrifyingly fascinating, if this is what it does to their mages.

Mother Petrice’s faith is as equally horrifying and Hades feels offense on how she twists it, feels offense on his Kirkwall’s behalf. She sees the Maker, Andraste, as her guide, as her part of her devotion and duty. Not like what Petrice does.

The Arishok’s matter of fact acceptance of the Sarrabas’s willingness to die, and the news that Mother Petrice arranged for the deaths of some of his people… Hades cannot figure the man out, but then he cannot understand how Petrice can justify what she did.

Despite his curiosity with the Qun, with the Arishok and whatever it is he is seeking,  Hades is relieved that he was not born under the Qun. He does not know how he feels regarding Ketojan’s fate, except sadness.

He tried to help, and in the end, his help failed.

“I feel dirty,” Varric mutters next to him.  They are in the Hanged Man, the others nearby. Aveline and Isabela are arguing, nothing new there and something he will have to get in the middle on very soon. Merrill is by Isabela’s side, not appearing to be listening to the argument and Carver is watching Merrill. Fenris is on the other side of Hades, and glaring at Anders who is currently healing up Norah, the waitress who took a thrown bottle of ale at the head from an unruly customer.

As much as he is enjoying the company, he finds his thoughts wandering to Kirkwall. He had not been to the Blessed Blades in a few days now, not since he went to Fenris’s, alarmed with how strong his feelings had become for her.

Love was not something he had been seeking, at least consciously. And he is not even sure if she feels like he does. She may enjoy his company, share talks, show worry in her own way, but--

“Hawke.”   
  
Hades jumps a bit in his seat, to see Fenris and Varric both looking at him.

“Apologies, mind was elsewhere. What is it?”  
  
“I was asking if you were up for a game of Wicked Grace tonight?”

“Varric, I’m horrible with Wicked Grace. You take me for any coin I have, coin I’m trying to save up for the expedition remember?”  
  
“Ohhhh come on, Hawke. You like the game, you’re just too nice to bluff.”   
  
“Never thought I would hear a word like that in regards to a mage,” Fenris mutters.

“I heard that.”

“I know.” Fenris smirks, to lessen the bite in his words.

“Oooh, I want to play Wicked Grace!” Merrill seems to have overheard, and has drifted away from Isabela and Aveline’s argument which has now turned into them insulting the other.

Hades gets up then, and then firmly plants himself between the two, earning a glare from Aveline. However, considering the fact he has been keeping company with a templar, Aveline’s glare barely bothers him.

“Ladies, lets leave the insults and play a game of Wicked Grace where I will most likely lose?”  
  
Isabela laughs, and Aveline’s glare softens just a smidge.

“All right, Hawke,” Aveline says softly. Isabela goes over to the table to join, and Hades notices Anders has now joined in.

“Hades?” Hades turns his attention back to Aveline. She places a hand on his arm, and he bends his head down to meet whatever she wants to say that will not be overheard.

“Are you all right? I have noticed you been spending an awful amount of time in the Blessed Blades--”  
  
Hades groans. “Aveline, stop with the spying on me.”   
  
“You are my friend, Hades.”   
  
“I get that, but I am fine. A lot of the work that comes my way comes through there.” He does not dare tell her more than that. “Thank you for the concern, but honestly, Aveline. I can take care of myself.”   
  
“Considering how much you take care of everyone else…. I do not see it. Just take some time to yourself.”   
  
“The same could be said for you, Captain,” Hades teases softly. “Now come on, Wicked Grace.”  
  
  
  
  


**Act 1-A Few Days Later- Halfway Through Enemies Among Us**

 

The bitter taste of Mother Petrice and her conniving manipulations continued to press the back corners of his mind, as well as the investigation into the missing recruits. 

He found himself avoiding Hightown, avoiding the Blessed Blades. He had spent the last few days dealing with things that plagued his mind, made him take long baths, and be restless in his sleep. 

He also didn't want how he was feeling invade any interactions with Kirkwall. She did not need to see how he was dealing with the ugliness of this city. She had enough on her shoulders trying to simply carve out her own time to herself in the tavern without him adding weight to it. 

Now that he knew he was in love with her, he was especially determined to not add to that. 

Hades had spent some time hunting down leads on Macha's brother, wound up stumbling across a cache of gossip from recruits, and stories about the Knight Commander and secret rituals. Some of it made him want to laugh in disbelief. It was almost too much. One Knight Commander simply could not be like this? Could they? 

So, after getting a bunch of gossip, Hades did get a piece of actual news from the recruits. Wilmod had returned. Nothing about Macha's brother. Buf if Wilmod had information, that would help. 

So, he had set out to find Wilmod. 

Wound up helping the Knight Captain fight a possessed Wilmod who brought _friends_ with him. _Wonderful friends_ that breathed fire and caused all sorts of damage, and made Hades act unfortunately risky as hell to fight them because a templar was right there. 

But said templar was so busy fighting the nice possessed Wilmod and his friends as well to notice, so Hades caught a break there.

Carver wasn't happy about the close call, they argued later. It did not get as heated as their arguments in the past have, and Hades was able to calm his brother down. 

Then just a few hours ago, Hades had taken the information they had and went to the Blooming Rose. 

_ Blood magic. Blood mages.  _

Idunna was quite willing to give him the information she had when he broke her hold, but then attempted to kill him again. He was forced to kill her. 

He felt wrong after that, (not killing her, just having his mind invaded), and found himself taking up an offer from Anders to help him at the clinic. 

He is still uneasy around the man, but after three hours of working with him and helping heal others and generally doing something good for the people who truly needed it, he felt less wary of him. 

He cannot deny that Anders knows a lot about healing and has let him peak into his book of spells, as well as help heal those who come to the clinic. It reminded him of the times he helped   Father out when he would work tirelessly to help heal those who needed it.   
  
Unlike Father though, Anders was possessed and it  was simply not something Hades could forget.   
  
Despite that, working at the clinic did him some good. Instead of working the information to find Keran, Hades found himself helping Anders out with a flu outbreak. It taxed him to his limits, exhausting his magic and himself. But he felt good, and all the gossip and stories that were rattling around in his head about the Knight Commander, as well as his experiences with the ugliness of the city, didn't seem so overwhelming. 

“Thank you for letting me help,” Hades says to Anders, as he gets ready to leave.  
  
The exhausted mage leans against a pillar, offers a tired smile. “It was nice having a pair of  extra hands to help. Where did you learn some of those spells?”   
  
“Father,” he says simply. “He worked as a healer, used that to set up a position in every town we lived in.” He trails off as he hears footsteps and sees Varric coming into the clinic.

“There you are Hawke, Junior is looking for you, fretting ever so terribly.”    
  
“Maker help me, dwarf-” Carver snarl, coming into view. “Hades, time to come home. Mother and Gamlen were neary at each others throats when I left. You and I both know I am not the peacemaker here.” 

Hades sighs, and knows now there is no chance for him to make his way to the Blessed Blades to have dinner with Kirkwall. 


	11. Act 1: The Viscount's Path/Hessarian's Ascent/The Maker's Guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just outside the Chantry. The Revered Mothers, Sisters, and others of the Chantry call this path The Makers Guide, the nobles and Viscounts of the past named it the Viscount's Path, and we call it Hessarian's Ascent. It is a way for us to travel to Hightown without worry."

  
  
**Act 1- The Docks**

  
  
  
The next day, Hades was at the docks, bewildered by how he got there.

He agreed to help out Isabela's friend today, and knows he will be meeting him later tonight.

But why was he at the Docks? His feet just took him there.

He  blinks, and realizes that he's on one of the larger docks, for the boats that ship cargo mainly. He sees the Gallows in the distance.

_Never mind, you have your answer Hades._

Kirkwall.

It's like a yearning aching need- now that he knows what he feels. And what he wants to do.

Hades snorts at himself and walks away from the dock, only to be waved over by Isabela who is doing her own staring- a wistful one at a large ship just a little ways away.

The wistful look disappears when she turns to him.

"Something on your mind, Isabela?"

There's a grin there, and Hades knows--

"Don't."

Isabela pouts. "You spoil all my fun Hades."

"What do you like about that ship?"

"Other than it's a big ship and if I get my hands on her, I can get out of here?"

Hades nods.

Isabela looks away, back at the ship. After a minute of silence, Isabela starts talking, describing things on it that Hades does not quite understand but it makes her animated, smiling. She is not making any crude jokes while doing so either.  While they are talking at one point Hades swears he feels a presence near by, one he's familiar with but then Isabela starts winding up about something and he focuses on her.

Eventually she seems to get bored, smiles brightly at Hades, cups his cheek.

"I'll tell you more later, Hanged Man all right?" She moves her hand up to ruffle his hair and he bats her hand away. "Oh how sweet," she drawls, the same way she did that first night they met and he saw her eyes traveling all over him. "Bye."

Hades watches her walk off, and then that feeling hits him again. A presence  that he just.. knows. Behind him. He turns and sees about ten feet away...in full templar armor, and her red hood, is Kirkwall.

Watching him as if she cannot look away.

He knows the feeling.

He does not move at first, then his feet start moving before he tells himself to do so. For as busy as the docks are, this end part, near the stone mountain itself, (If he looked up before walking over he would see the tip of the Viscount Keep.) there is not much activity, and no one else.

"Hello," he says softly.

A slight curve, right corner of her mouth. "Hello."

"Are you leaving?"

She shakes her head, and her red hood is bright in the sunlight. He shifts on his feet, feels the weight of his staff against him, but he does not let it bring him down. "About to take Hessarian's Ascent and get something to eat." She pauses, then looks past him.

 _Hessarian's Ascent?  What is Hessarian's Ascent?_ He knows Hessarian was an Archon of Tevinter, knows he became a disciple of Andraste.

He feels her gaze come back to him and his thoughts come to a halt. Her ice blue eyes hold something in them, and he wonders if how he feels shows.

"Mind if I join you for said meal?" He asks cautiously, carefully. As much as he wants to be in her company, he knows how she holds herself. He does not feel any stares on them, does not know if she would feel comfortable walking through the city itself with him. Too many eyes, too many ears, nothing to shield them from curiosity. "I can come to Blessed Blades later if--"

"Join me," she says firmly, as if her word is final. Perhaps it is. "We can take Hessarian's Ascent together," she adds.

"What _is_ Hessarian's Ascent?"

She looks pleased now, it's in her eyes and that quirk on the right corner. "I will show you," and walks past him, not far- she gets to a point between the front end of the boat she came from the Gallows on, and the mountain and presses against said mountain.

Hades's eyes widen as he watches the stone move, but there is barely any sound. He comes over to touch and the sliding mountain wall is not mountain at all but wood painted to look like the mountain. As the door full slides open, he sees a wide path, room for four people to walk side by side. Torches along the walls on both sides, polished stone to walk on.

"This path was carved a long time ago," he hears her say behind him. She is close, and her voice is like a whisper and slides along his skin. He tries to keep himself from shivering. "Most likely during the time of the Tevinter occupiers. As you walk, the torches light up."

"Where does it lead to?" He asks.

"Just outside the Chantry. The Revered Mothers, Sisters, and others of the Chantry call this path The Makers Guide, the nobles and Viscounts of the past named it the Viscount's Path, and we call it Hessarian's Ascent. It is a way for us to travel to Hightown without worry."

 _Without the nobles and chantry members having  to walk through Lowtown and see those who are poor,_ Hades bites his tongue, keeping the uncharitable thought from being spoken. He can understand the templars using it- it seems more efficient, practical, useful, and less time consuming than traveling through Lowtown.

"Walk with me."

Hades steps to the side, letting Kirwall go inside first and he sees a torch light up. She is encased in the glow of it, and unlike the bright sunlight which can make anyone look harsh and unforgiving, she looks the opposite here and his breath catches. All her sharp angles seem soft even though he knows she is not. Her striking looks make her seem even more so, her templar armor not as overbearing or intimidating.

He takes a step inside, another torch lighting up as the door automatically slides shut. He hears nothing from the outside and for a moment neither of them move, nor look away from the other. Captivated, and no one can see it but only each other.

 

 

 

*********************

 

 

She does not know what to say next. Here, like in the shadowed darkened corner of the Blessed Blades, she feels a weight come off of her.

Standing in front of her is Fereldan... her Fereldan, one she has not seen for a few days, since she realized how she felt about him and went to the Chantry to pray for guidance.

He stands, surrounded by the glow of the torches. His dark brown hair curls around his face, at the edges of his neck, and a silly urge to run her fingers through it latches on. But she has her strength for a reason, honed it for so long. She shoves it in the back of her mind. His dark brown eyes, always showing how he feels, are level with hers.

Here she comes to see that she is just a little taller than him. She sees a faint blush steal across his face, and his eyes move away briefly before flickering back to her. His  clothes, well worn but cared, the dust and grime on his hands and arms. He has a young look to him, and his desire to help does not lessen that, but his eyes have a sadness to them that she knows quite well. He may look young, but to her he is not. He is the opposite of her, and she wonders if she will be able to be as soft with him, if he will want her too.

Here standing before her is a man that has made her pause.

He cocks his head to the right just enough. "What..what do you see, Kirkwall?"

"A man," she says simply. "What do you see, Fereldan?"

"A woman," he answers, smiling slightly. "Or should I take that back and say something else?"

"Not many see what you see."

Fereldan's eyes turn warm, even with a hint of sadness and something else. "I see more than a templar, Kirkwall."

She never needed to be more than a templar before. It is who she is. What has guided her and directed her for so long. Is it possible, to maintain being who she has to be and what she can possibly be as well?

A comfortable silence grows between them and they start walking through the Ascent. She watches his reactions to some of the images that were painted on the sides, some of them representing the Occupiers. She takes note of what he doesn't like- his eyes narrow and his nose crinkles.

About a hundred paces in, he stops.

"Is that a bench?"

Another feature of this path. "Carved out as well. Every hundred paces there is a bench for those who wish to take a break while taking heading up to Hightown."

"How many benches?"

"Three."

Fereldan heads over to the bench, touches the carved stone. "Done during the making of this path or perhaps by others over time?"

"I think by the Occupiers. There is a spell of sorts on the benches, despite the hard stone of the mountain, it is soft to sit upon."

He looks doubtful at that. She finds herself liking that.

"See for yourself."

She watches as he hesitates, and then after a pause, he sits. His eyes widen and the dark brown warmth meets hers, delight evident in them. "Soft indeed." He smiles. "Want to join me?"

She does so which she notes that he likes.

"So I imagine this path makes it easier to simply get to Hightown and then back?"

"Yes. Not to mention that it takes us directly to where we need. The Chantry, the Keep." She also thinks of a never used home she has.

"Makes it easier to ignore the citizens of Lowtown." He bites his lip then, obviously regretting saying the words out loud. 

She thinks she understand why he says it though. "Do you think they are ignored?"

There's hesitation, a pause, a look of worry in his features before he responds. "By some who claim to care, yes. Not by everyone, of course. But plenty do." He frowns for a moment. "I am not trying to insult you or anything, I know you have your own duties, your own responsibilities--"

"I understand your meaning. I am loyal and dutiful to the order, but that does not mean I do not care for the citizens of Kirkwall, whether they live in Lowtown or Hightown." She moves and finds herself sitting next to him. "My responsibility to overseeing the mages, is also  towards Kirkwall itself. I protect all by doing my duty to the Order and my faith."

Fereldan smiles at that. "I see that in you."

"You wish to protect them as well. I see that too."

"I try to do what I can," he says softly. "Some of these jobs I've taken, they take me down paths that show the darkness of this city. It's.. clings to me sometimes, then... then I get shown something like this," he waves his arms out, indicating the tunnel, "and I see more beauty. In front of me, and by my side."

She arches an eyebrow, curious on his wording and noting his skin is now reddening. "By your side?"

He rubs the back of his neck, and his smile turns sheepish, and the look that appears in his eyes speak very plainly.

Now it is her turn to swallow.

"If that is directed to me then--"

"Yes," he interrupts. "And please do not say you are not. You are. Everything about you is."

She takes note in how close they are now. They are sitting closer than they have at the Blessed Blades, and she feels…

_So much._

Too much almost.

Love is a powerful thing and to feel such a thing and know that it is returned, even without the words said makes her feel as rushed as the day she took her vows to the Order. She may not have experience with such a feeling, but it is almost frightening.

They do not know even know each other's names.

Will it change if he knows who she is? She knows people whisper, tell stories, she knows how she has presented herself. She will not change who she is for anyone. She will not let this love override her nature, her being, herself.

"This is..confusing," she says at last. It is not a state she likes.

"A little," he agrees. But.. I am unable to stay away."

So is she.

"I will walk away if you wish to end this now, before..." he bites his lip and once again she thinks about how young he is. He told her he is in his twenties. She is older than him, but she cannot bring herself to use that as an argument against it.

"No. I think we can manage." She tries to keep tone cool, calm. "Perhaps we should walk further?"

Fereldan stands up then. "Of course." He seems to take a moment to think. Then.. he holds out his hand to her.

She feels like this is a moment that the Maker is testing her on, Andraste watching by his side. This man had been guided to her, a path made, formed, gently pushed towards her. She said they could manage, but this is how it falls into place.

She stares at his hand, and then for the first time since she can ever recall, stretches her hand out forward, and their hands link, as she stands with him.

It feels...

Like two pieces connecting.


	12. Act 1: Resolution Of Enemies Among Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades is able to resolve the missing templars conflict, end the blood mages plot. 
> 
> But as a witness, he has to meet with the Knight Commander about it. And that is when he finds out... 
> 
> _____
> 
> Knight Commander Meredith Stannard finds out how about nefarious plot that blood mages were conducting on some of her templars, an investigation that was kept from her by her Knight Captain. Then she finds out that there was outside help, and the help is brought in to give their own account. She was not prepared for who it would be....

 

**Act 1- A Question- The Blessed Blades**

 

  
It's a couple nights later, when they are eating together in the Blades, when he asks the question.

"Why did you choose to become to a templar?"

He knows she prefers not to discuss templar business in here, and unlike the other templars, she is not addressed by rank either. But now and then it has come up, especially when a couple of his past jobs have crossed with templar business.

His latest job, finding the missing Keran, has hit a couple frustrating snags and he hates that Macha is still worrying. So many of the warehouses searched has come up with nothing. After this lunch, he will be meeting up with Fenris, Anders, Carver and Varric to do some more searching. He asked for Anders to come along, so when they found Keran, he might be able to help with seeing if the recruit is possessed,

She pauses in her eating, setting her fork down.

A flash of pain flickers in her eyes and he regrets asking. "I am.. I am sorry for asking, if it is too painful.."

She holds up a hand. "I will tell you the story some time, but not tonight. It is not a subject best discussed over a good meal. But I will say I lost much at one point, and afterwards, a templar helped me. A good man," she says softly, sadness streaking across her features.

The main lunch rush has not happened yet, so there are not many here, not to mention in their corner of the tavern not everything they do is noticeable, so Hades takes the risk. He is reaches over carefully, and rests his hand on hers, the one currently fisted in her lap.

"I know what it is like to lose people as well," he says softly. He thinks of how he lost Father, how he lost Bethany. Kirkwall will eventually tell him the whole story, and he knows he will share as well.

Her eyes, startled, move to his. They widen just enough- plus the sudden stillness in her fist are the only reactions she has. Then after a moment, her hand relaxes, her palm turns upwards and their hands lock together, fingers twining together once more.

They do this, for the rest of their meal and only reluctantly let go when the tavern starts to get more in for lunch.

  


 

**Act 1- The Gallows**  


She stared at the reports that laid at her desk, her Knight Captain standing in front of her looking nervous.

She looks up, and Knight Captain Rutherford flinches. She imagines she does not look pleased.

She is not. All the goodwill she had been feeling lately has been promptly slashed to pieces.

Because her Knight Captain suspected some sort of nefarious plot was going on weeks ago and...

"You are telling me this now?" She asks coldly. It matches how she feels, the ice cold feeling spreading through her at the moment. "have been keeping this type of investigation from me?! Knight Captain, I should send you back to Kinloch for this!"

"Please-- I was- not even aware of what was going on," Ser Rutherford stammered. "I did not know. I was simply curious and worried. I had to look into it, and I did not want to alert you without cause. After the confrontation with Wilmod, it just went out of control from there. But it got resolved! The other recruits are safe, the last one was recovered and according to the rescuer, he is fine. But he will be watched, carefully. It is all in my report."

"I see that. I see the words. I see that my Knight Captain conducted an investigation that went from missing recruits into apostates that were forcing possessions on them and trying to have them infiltrate us! And not once coming to me about this whole thing, instead letting outsiders help!" She says as coldly and calmly as possible despite the fear that was racing through her.

The apostates were getting bolder and bolder, more dangerous. She had not let down her vigilance, but the mere fact--

She did not like this, but she had to do it.

"When we are done here, you will get every recruit that has been joined our ranks, and then get Orsino. He will do his tests on them for any sign of possession, and I will watch with a close eye, you as well, Ser Rutherford. And this will include the recruit Keran, even if he had been cleared by this--" She stares at the name on the last part of the report. "Hades Hawke?"

The Knight Captain nods. "Yes. He, with the assistance of his brother, and a couple of other companions had stumbled across my questioning of Wilmod and had helped me fight against the demons and then discovered the rest of the plot. As I stated in my full report, everything that happened."

Something about that twinges in the corner of her mind. Meredith knows what he said is important, but she has this to focus on first.  But as he said, she did  indeed see that in the report. It still did not  excuse her Knight Captain's idiocy. Up until now she thought she had a good Knight Captain, a young templar who had every reason to be as vigilant against the dangers of magic, of the curse their charges are inflicted with, and understood how she ran things.

How he handled things here made her now doubt her own Knight Captain.

"He is here."

She frowns. "Pardon?"

"Hades Hawke is here," Ser Rutherford says nervously. "I asked him to come here to give you a report of what happened as well, to hear from him. I told him it was necessary as it was  of such a sensitive nature and you needed to know."

"Send him in," She says sharply, standing straight, arms crossed. She was going to meet the man that had gotten involved in such a delicate situation, a situation her Knight Captain should have informed her from the beginning-- Her thoughts stutter to a halt as her visitors are brought into the room.

No.

**No.**

"Knight Commander Stannard, this is Hades Hawke," Knight Captain says as she stares at the man in disbelief in front of her.

_Fereldan._

His own eyes, a shade of brown that had captivated her from the moment  their gaze had met the first time, widen and he stills completely.

"Hades Hawke, this is Knight Commander Meredith Stannard."

 

 

 

**********************

 

 

Hades's heart jumps, his words are stuck in his throat, and his stomach twists.

The Knight Commander, the woman he had dreaded meeting after hearing so much gossip and whispered rumors…

The Knight Commander is his _Kirkwall._

After a minute of silence, Hades finally clears his  throat.

"Knight Commander," he says, wincing at how his voice sounds and he catches a look from Fenris. He can feel his brother literally vibrating with tension behind him. He understands why, but Carver told him in no uncertain terms that he was not going to be meeting the Knight Commander by himself.

"Messere Hawke," she says, her eyes, no longer looking shocked, were now cool. Her features impassive. He had no insight, no way of knowing how she was feeling. 

"Brother," Carver growls softly. Hades feels a hand press on his shoulder and he looks over to see Carver giving him a concerned look. It was there under the frown.

Hades smiles briefly and turns back to _Kirkwall_ \-- the Knight Commander.

The next twenty minutes (twenty because he mentally counted each one) went by in such a fashion that he wondered if he was suffering from a hex. It was almost brutal. He tried to deliver his own report as impassively as possibly.

It literally hurts while he does, talking to her like this. It hurts to see the impassive look on her features, even though deep down he knows why the two of them are doing this.

Then after a minute she cuts himself off.

"How were you able to ascertain that recruit Keran was not possessed?"

Annnd here's the fireball. Hades had Anders with him then but he cannot say that he had a mage conducting a test of possession could he?  

"That would be me," Fenris speaks up then. "Thanks to my markings, I have...gifts that I am not entirely fond of, and thanks to my time serving a Magister, I have experience towards this."

_Thank you Fenris._

She eyes the visible markings on him, and finally the impassive mask she has one cracks a little showing doubt, but curiosity? He thinks it's curiosity. He thought he knew her well enough by now (then again, maybe not?) to see that. 

"You are not a mage, but can find ways to prove possession?" She asks in clipped tone of voice.

Fenris smiles and Hades knows this smile. It is one that usually follows a blunt remark about his capabilities, to hide his own anger towards what happened to him. "Most demons do not appreciate their host getting a hole punched through their chest, Knight Commander." He pauses. ‘Or any other form of violence against them.”

She blinks, clearly taken back and eyes his tattoos once more. 

There is a moment of silence, and then the questions pick right back up. Another torturous twenty minutes go by  before they can finally leave.

But not before the Knight Commander has one last word to say

"We will speak again."

Oh of that, Hades does not doubt.


	13. Act 1: Investigating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out who her Fereldan is, Meredith thinks the name Hawke sounds familiar, so she proceeded to investigate why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to a conflict on Malcolm Hawke's origins, where a couple codex entries said he was a mercenary apostate, but Leandra and Gamlen both said he was a circle mage, I decided to combine both pieces into his history. 
> 
> Also due to the timelines of his wiki entry and Meredith's, she was a templar at the time Malcolm Hawke was in Kirkwall.

**Act 1- The Gallows- Meredith's Office**

 

Meredith sat at her desk, not really looking at the pile of parchments in front of her, as she went over the information she had been able to uncover the past couple days. 

As a templar, sometimes one must investigate a mages actions or trail. They are taught to think, to look, to ask, to search, to track. 

Dealing with a wayward man who seems to be avoiding her is no different than trying to pin down a difficult mage (Orsino- she wishes she had a First Enchanter that was not so tiresome as he is). But she took the past couple of days of not seeing him at the Blades at all to do some research of her own.

While trying not to be hurt that the man was avoiding her. Because she was an adult, and she was a templar, and she did not have those type of feelings. 

After Hades left, the surname pinged in the back of her mind. 

_ Hawke.  _

There is only one way she knows why she would recognize such a name. And she had to suffer through a conversation with Orsino to make sure her memory was not false. 

During her time as Knight Captain, a group of Apostates were found and brought to the Circle. They had been a band of mercenaries who traveled under the guise of warriors, but had gotten caught in Lowtown.    


Only two out of the five survived the Harrowing after they were brought in.    


A Malcolm Hawke was one of the two. 

Who later escaped the circle and run off with the daughter of a noble family. The Amells. She recalled that meeting. She was in the her predecessors office when Lord and Lady Amell were escorted in , who were furious and demanded the templars hunt down her daughter and the apostate, and bring them back. 

  
There was no placating Lord and Lady Amell, who acted like the entire Order was behind it all when they failed to retrieve Malcolm and Leandra. It is not a moment that Meredith looks at fondly. 

They did not appreciate Meredith telling them that perhaps they could pray and seek guidance through the Chantry and Maker in hopes that Leandra would come to her senses and come back. In truth she was still smarting over the fact that the apostate outmaneuvered her and her men, and she did not appreciate being yelled like she was a recalcitrant child.    


She remembers the templar that had let Malcolm walk out of the Circle. Maurevar Carver. He stood before he and her predecessor, with no shame or guilt. No evidence of blood magic was used on him. He had done it freely. He even had the nerve to recite the Chant to them as part of his reasoning.    


Ser Carver was not dismissed. She would have done that, if she had been Knight Commander at the time. But no, he was simply reduced in rank, in pay, and then transferred to another Circle. It was one of the few times she disagreed with her predecessor.    


She had a talk with that mage. Tobrius, who one of her older templars told her had befriended Malcolm during his time here. He was uncomfortable, but revealed that Malcolm had left some letters in his care and had instructions to hand them to his family if they ever showed up in Kirkwall. Tobrius had gotten word that they had and sent a message to the Hawkes, hence Hades Hawke first showing up. 

  
She was able to confirm, through her own sources at the Keep, that Hades Hawke is indeed the son of Leandra Amell Hawke, who came back to Kirkwall while fleeing the Blight in Ferelden. So Tobrius's information matched up.    
  
Apparently Leandra Amell Hawke had been petitioning the Viscount for her family home back, using the will recovered by Hades and his brother Carver, as evidence it rightfully belongs to her and her children.    
  


So her investigation had her conclude- Malcolm Hawke, an apostate, is the father of the man that has captured the attention of a lot people in Kirkwall by doing various deeds and jobs, and as well as has captured her interest. 

Considering that she knows Hades has lost family, she can only assume Malcolm Hawke is dead. She will get her confirmation on that in time. 

It appears that neither Hades nor his brother received their father's curse.    


She recalls some of the wariness Hades had with her at times, some of his uneasiness when the tavern was filled with more templars than nobles. He did his best to hide it, but she noticed.   


Most likely caused by having to live with an Apostate for a father. Who knows what things he said to them, how he justified risking his wife and children with his curse, as well as so many innocent people in the towns they lived in. Hades mentioned they had moved often. Following the work, he said. 

_ More like evading templars and suspicions.  _

She has no sympathy for Leandra Amell, who according to her source, is acting like the world is against her by not giving her home back to her. A home she left behind without a second glance, a home and family  she turned her back on to live with and have children with, an Apostate. That woman put so many in danger, including her children, risking their father's curse on the populace wherever they lived. 

If it was not for the fact Hades apparently was working himself to exhaustion to get onto that deep roads expedition so he can help his mother out, Meredith was tempted to act out in a petty and unlike her manner and pressure the Viscount to discard Leandra Amell's petition.

Now here she is, in her office, thinking about how to have a talk with a man who is most definitely avoiding her. 

She also thinks that perhaps this is a lesson that Maker has sent her way, on how people should share their names instead of relying on nicknames when they fall in love.

She is Meredith Stannard,  Knight Commander of the Templars. 

If Hades cannot handle the truth of her station, then she knows that she will have to walk away. 

This is a test of not only her faith and her calling, but herself as well. 

  
  
  



	14. Act 1: Encouragment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Hades turns to Fenris when he needs to talk to someone. 
> 
>  
> 
> Hades looks down at his hands, curled up into fists in his lap. But Fenris caught the flash of fear before he looked away.
> 
> "You are afraid."
> 
> "Straight to the point."
> 
> "You do not come to my door or seek my company to be coddled or consoled," Fenris points out. "You were afraid when you first realized you were in love with her, before you knew she was the Knight Commander. Now you are afraid because she is the Knight Commander. It must be tiring sometimes to be you Hades."

 

**Act 1- Hightown- Fenris's 'Borrowed' Estate**

 

 

Fenris stares at Hades, who still looks as pale and shocked as he was two days ago.    


Hades showed up at Fenris's door last night, unable to handle Carver's attitude. Apparently the younger brother was still  having fits of personally meeting the Knight Commander due to his brother sticking his nose in templar business. 

Carver's words.    


Fenris was able to see, that underneath the bluster, complaints and anger, that there was concern. Carver was worried about his brother, and even more so because Hades had the appearance of a man that looked.. well.. like he does now.    


Shocked.    


He can hardly blame him. He falls in love with a templar, but not just any templar it seems.   
  
The Knight Commander herself. 

Fenris would be lying if he was not amused over the whole thing. There was an underlying sense of bitter black humor there, something Fenris can relate to.    


Despite how humorous he finds the whole thing, he is also concerned. Which makes him shake his head. Meeting Hades has upended his belief that all mages are the same.   
  
It was hard to be leery and wary of Hades. As cynical and hard as he is, it did not take long to get the measure of Hades's character. He was a bit passive when it came to confrontations, always trying to find a less violent solution.  Fenris suspected that was due to how he lived, how he was raised. To avoid conflict, and to strive for non violent solutions.   
  
Ironic, considering Kirkwall was filled with conflict. But Hades showed his measure, Fenris saw his character.  While he focused on protecting those who fought with him, he fought when he had to, never hesitating to get in the fray to fight and protect. He never showed an ounce of cowardice. Some might think his conflict avoidance might be that, but in the time he has come to know this mage, Fenris knows it is not. 

Fenris had also been there, seen Hades struggle when the darkness of the city came to him in the form of some of these jobs he took. Yet he found a way to rise above that weight and press on. The one with the templar recruits weighed on him heavily, what that insane blood mage said, and the words that spilled carelessly from his brother's mouth.

And now here he is, struggling with the knowledge that the templar he fell in love with is the fearsome Knight Commander. 

Fenris had heard the words the Knight Commander uttered when they left. 

"So, when will you be having that talk with her?"

Hades flinches. "When I can stop feeling dizzy over all the things I've heard about her."

"Ah. Gossip. Such a reliable tool." 

Hades glances at him. "Gossip has beginnings, Fenris."

"Which get mixed up and convoluted," Fenris counters "You are in love with this woman. Are you really going to let the gossip of others keep you from her?"

Hades looks down at his hands, curled up into fists in his lap. But Fenris caught the flash of fear before he looked away. 

"You are afraid."

"Straight to the point."

"You do not come to my door or seek my company to be coddled or consoled," Fenris points out. "You were afraid when you first realized you were in love with her, before you knew she was the Knight Commander. Now you are afraid because she is the Knight Commander. It must be tiring sometimes to be you Hades." 

"Exhausting," he hears Hades murmur and Fenris, despite himself, softens towards the mage. "It would be so much easier if I was not a mage."

Fenris tries to not let that get to him. It is not loathing he hears, but resignation. "Yes, I imagine so. But here you are, a mage. No point in pondering if you were not. Do not let your fear, those rumors and gossip, control how you act, how you feel. Don’t let fear dictate your choices until it is almost too late to break free.” 

He recognizes that look Hades is giving to him. He’s seen it used on so many others.

  
“How are you adjusting to everything so far? I feel remiss in not asking. I fee llike I am not being a good friend coming to you with my own problems while you have your own. Danarius has not tried any more attempts has he? ”   
  
Fenris chuckles. “I am adjusting, Hades. And if I had minded you dropping on my doorstep with your problems, we would not be having these discussions. No, Danarius has not tried again. But I am serious Hades. You know yourself, you know how you feel, I have seen how you feel. Yes, there is great risk here, but there is always risk. You and I both have experience with taking risks. Do not let this dictate who you are. You have what you are seeking in your grasp. Keep it.”

Hades gaze keeps steady with him, and Fenris watches as the mage seems to gather his own own courage and inner strength. “All right,” he says easily. “No more wallowing and worrying.”   
  
“Good, I hate to have to compare you to the Abomination.”    
  
Hades frowns. “That is a low blow Fenris.”   
  
Fenris shrugs. “I say I what I feel.”   
  
Hades smiles a little, and Fenris breaks out another bottle of wine. “So, does this occasion call for a drink or shall I have it all to myself while I ponder the strange turns my life has taken me?”   
  
“Perhaps we can drink and you can share how you have been adjusting?” Hades offers.

Fenris takes a moment to debate that. “I can do that.” 


	15. Act 1: The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris is once more brought in as a middle man, letting his home be used to so that Knight Commander Meredith Stannard and Hades Hawke can have a much needed private conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is rather lengthy, and it goes into Meredith's history. The bits about what happened with the prior Viscount and the former Knight Commander, what she did, and gave to the current Viscount, are all in her wiki entry and in WOT Vol 2. A good portion of this is my interpretation over her character, and a bit of a character study on her.

**Act 1- The Next Day- Hightown- Fenris's 'Borrowed' Estate**  
  
  


Fenris did not expect his day to start with opening his door and seeing the Knight Commander standing there.   
  
Our of all the things that has been brought to him since he agreed to join Hades Hawke, the Knight Commander of the Templars on his doorstep was not high on his list of expectations.   
  
"Knight Commander Stannard," he says evenly. "What brings you to my doorstep?"

"Not exactly yours, but not my concern," she says in cold tone. "You accompany Hades Hawke regularly."

"Yes."

"Good. I need a word with him, privately. You will ensure this happens." There's a brief hesitation, he is skilled enough to see it. He could swear there's an unsaid please in there.

"I can offer you one of the rooms here," He offers. Best he make things easy here. "I was on my way to Lowtown to meet with him anyway. When shall this happen?"

He can tell he took her by surprise, because there is no response at first, and there's something that flickers in her ice blue eyes.

"Two hours from now. Sufficient?"

"Indeed." 

Now Fenris hopes that he did not lead Hades into a trap. He hate to repay the burgeoning friendship with such a thing. 

She regards him steadily for a moment longer, and Fenris just calmly returns the stare. He is not so easily intimidated as so many others here seem to be. 

"Thank you," she says curtly, then turns to walk away.   
  
Fenris closes the door and walks  through the Hightown, wondering yet again just how this is his life now.   
  
Hades owes him many drinks, and a bigger portion of the pay from whatever job they do together next.

 

**Later**

 

Meredith finds herself in a room, the elf behind her waiting silently. A couch, a table, a bookcase. Her senses tingle from the lyrium that is carved into his flesh. Her own consumption of lyrium to combat the mages properly makes her more aware of lyrium in any form.

"He should be arriving soon," he says. "Luckily our job was short and he only had to drop off his share of the coin earned to his mother."   
  
So his coin not only goes towards the expedition he's working hard on, but to his mother as well.

"And to give you privacy, Knight Commander, I will ensure to leave.'

There is something in his tone and she turns to face him. There is something there, in his features, that no matter how easily he keeps them schooled blank--

"You know," she says flatly.   
  
A small incline of his head. "Hades confides in me, when he knows he cannot confide in others."

She can understand needing a confidant. Grand Cleric Elthina is one for her, one who has helped her gain clarity regarding her feelings for Hades.   
  
"Does anyone else?"

The elf shakes his head. "No." She hears the echoing sound of a knock, and knows he is here. The elf turns and she waits patiently, as she hears Hades's voice as he steps inside.

 

***************

 

  
  
"So what is it you want me to look over?" Hades asks as he steps inside and Fenris shut the door.   
  
"Nothing. I lied."

Hades blinks. "Fenris?"

"Come on, there is someone who wishes to talk to you."

Hades is still trying to wrap around  Fenris lying, but in order to get any answers he has to follow the man. He follows Fenris, coming to a halt in front of a closed door. He pushed it open to see a certain woman, the same woman who haunted his dreams and has taken a piece of his heart standing in the center of the room."

"I will take my leave, so you have no worries of anyone overhearing." Fenris says  to Meredith and then turns to him. "I suppose my advice this time was all for naught, but you owe me some drinks, Hades."

Hades nods. He waits until the door closes and he meets Meredith's gaze. She's assessing him, regarding him in a cool manner similar to those first couple meetings they had in the Blessed Blades.

"Did you really arrange a meeting through one of my friends?"

She arches an eyebrow. "Would you have preferred me showing up on your doorstep?"

Hades imagines how that would have gone, how Carver and Mother would handle it, and blanches. "I just.. I knew we needed to talk but--"

"I took action to make sure we did. It is what I do. I see no reason to postpone. You now know who I am beyond the nickname you gave me and I officially know who you are."

Hades swallows. He wants to ask how much she knows exactly.   
  
"Your father is Malcolm Hawke," she says, sitting down on the couch, still appearing very much like the Knight Commander she is. She does not need to be standing to be intimidating, Hades realizes. "An Apostate who left the Circle."

Well, she knows some it seems.

"Was Malcolm Hawke," he murmurs, aching at the reminder. "He died a few years back." He sighs. "You have your ways of finding out information, I gather."

 

***************

  
  
She sees the hurt in his words, his eyes and decides for now, not to press. She will not state it out loud for Hades's sake, but she is relieved to hear that the Apostate is dead at least and not putting anyone at risk anymore.   
  
"Yes. I understand your mother is trying to get her family home back." She taps her fingers against her leg, the armor feeling cool. "I imagine you running yourself to exhaustion by earning coin to go on the expedition is part of your attempt to help her?"

"It's what she wants," he says simply.   
  
_And she gets what she wants,_ is what Meredith hears unsaid.   
  
"You are uneasy in my presence, knowing my rank," She says bluntly. She does not need it confirmed. He has hardly moved since they were left alone. It hurts a little.   
  
He lets out a noise that indicates frustration. "Not uneasy," Hades runs a hand through his hair, as if trying to find the words. "Just trying to match up all those rumors and whispers with the woman I got to know and not having it make any sense." 

"Then it should not be so difficult to sit next to me and talk?"

 

**************

 

Hades flushes, knowing he was hesitating to do just that. She is watching him keenly, and he does not want to resist sitting next to her. So he closes the distance in the room and sits, setting his staff, glamoured as always to look like a sword, on the table in front of them.   
  
"I got to know you without knowing what your title was," he says quietly. "You kept some things to yourself, but I got to see you, know you as someone that just doesn't fit those rumors, those whispers, the gossip. I suppose.. I suppose I got caught up in it, Kirkwa--Meredith," he corrects himself.  
  
There's that upward quirk, as she had caught his slip.  Her eyes are no longer cool and assessing, but softened just enough for him to recognize her as his Kirkwall.   
  
"You have to know what they say about you Meredith," he say softly, "even what the templars say under you."   
  
"I do." Her answer is simple, succinct. There is no hurt there or annoyance. Just acceptance.

He frowns. "Doesn't it bother you?"

  


*****************

 

She takes a moment to think on that question. It does not bother her, no. But she realizes what she needs to do. What he needs to know so she hopes that he can understand.

"Do you know how I became Knight Commander, Hades?"

His gaze meets hers, a mix of questioning and confusion.  "No. How--"

She turns just a little, the slight gap between them on the couch gone as she keeps his gaze connected with hers. "No doubt those rumors, whispers and gossip are about how controlling, cold and evil I am, that apparently the Viscount is under my heel, yes?" 

Wariness blooms fully in his eyes, but he does not look away. "Yes..."   
"My predecessor was Knight-Commander Guylian, a good man who I looked up to, respected. I did not agree with him on a few matters, and felt he was too lax in some areas, but he was good at what he did. He took his duty, his loyalty to the Order, his faith seriously. He agreed with a lot of the ideas I had that would help the Circle, and he entrusted a lot to me.  The prior Viscount, Perrin Threnhold, was a bitter, cruel tyrant whose actions against Orlesian ships was causing threats of invasion and war from Orlais. The Divine asked us to to intercede, to put pressure on the Viscount." 

Meredith takes a moment to catch herself. The events that took place is why she did her best to stress to the templars under her command  that while the Templar Order is part of the Chantry they are not to be used for anything more than their purpose- to guard the Mages.   
  
"What happened next?"   
  
"He plotted," She says unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "He used the guardsmen of Kirkwall, turned them into an army and stormed the Gallows. We lost many good templars that day, as well as many of our charges in the chaos. They dragged my Commander off. He was arrested by them, under the supposed charge of trying to bring ruin to Kirkwall." Her hands fists in her lap. Fingers touch hers, and it is a welcoming touch, ensuring she does not get lost in the wrongness of her memories. 

Hades gaze remains steady with hers, and she links her fingers with his as she continues.  
  
"The Viscount executed him," she says in a whisper, still angry at what she remembers.  "For doing what the Divine asked him to do, for trying to prevent his cruel tyrannical ways from causing a war. I would not let that stand when I found out. I took charge, lead a group of templars, and retaliated. We stormed his keep, retrieved my Commanders body, and arrested the Viscount. The Grand Cleric saw to that he was tried for his crimes, and had him imprisoned. For my actions, I was promoted. The moment I took my vow as Knight Commander, the moment this was laid on my head by the Grand Cleric," she points to her diadem, what she once told him was a gift, "I decided that the templars would never again be put in a position like we were put in again, that I would not let any ruler of this city try to use his power against me or my templars."  
  
She takes a moment. "I was not willing to risk such a fate to pass, and the moment Marlowe Dumar was chosen as Viscount under my suggestion, I made it clear to him that we did not and will never answer to him, that he would answer to us. My fate, my templars fates would no longer hang in the balance, be subjected to the whims of Kirkwall's leader of the nobles. It needed to be done, he needed to be told. I gifted him with an ivory box, containing Threnhold's signet ring, and carved the words _'His fate need not be yours'_ as a reminder to Dumar that he may be Viscount but he will not rule over us. Then I took  my templars, the Gallows, ruled as strongly as I could over them, determined to make sure we did not stray from out path that Andraste and Maker called us to."

"You control what you can because you saw what happened when control was lost," Hades says softly. 

He understands, she thinks. He understand when others judge, condemn.

She sees no judgement in his eyes, no dismay or disgust that she knows others had, she recalls those emotions in the weak face of Dumar. She encouraged his appointment for that reason- he was weak, and she ensured he stayed weak. 

"I may be harsh, Hades, the templars may fear me as well as the mages, but I do what I have to because it is needed. People call me cold, controlling, ruling with an iron fist. I simply see myself doing what must be done. So many  mages fall prey to their demons here, so many of my templars need guidance." Meredith has read the history on the Circle here. Many mages fall prey to their curse, so many templars fall prey to the mages, that she was determined to protect both of them from each other, so her decision to govern the Gallows with a harsh, iron fist was the only solution she could see.

"Kirkwall is my city, my home. My duty is here and if my duty needs to be strong, cold, and controlling then that is who I am. I cannot change that. I make no apologies for who I am, I have seen what happens to the weak, I have seen what happens to those who let power get to their heads. Kirkwall needs me in control, they need me to be strong in my faith, to do what I must do.”

 

**********************

 

Hades hears the warning in her words, has seen how stiff she is as she sat next to him, revealing what she did.  She is laying everything out, letting him know who she is as Knight Commander. That she does the hard things, forces herself to be hard, to hold her heel on the neck of the Viscount to make sure what happened to her predecessor does not happen to her. 

A part of him tells him he should be horrified by the lengths she has taken to ensure control, but a larger part respects and admires what she has done. He saw the sadness in her when she mentioned what happened to her former Commander, he saw the anger in the senselessness of his death. 

He sees that she feels what she does is right, that her conviction in her beliefs, in her desire to protect and ensure she never meets the fate of her former Commander, that her duty, drives her.

He can hear Carver's voice whispering that he needs to walk away, that he needs to have common sense and end things now. He can see his mother wringing her hands. He can envision what others could possibly say- especially Anders as he has heard plenty on how he views Meredith, yet in regards to Anders, Hades feels he doesn't have room to judge. Truthfully, he should. He has a secret he can never tell her. But... he can't walk away. 

"I give everything to the Order, to my faith, to my duty. My loyalty and responsibility is towards them. I have never needed anything else, except my times in the Blessed Blades where I can eat and relax for just an hour before having to take on my duty again. I have never yearned for more than that, and then you came along and somehow just inserted yourself in my meals and my alone time." 

"I'm sorry?"

He gets a laugh, an honest to Maker laugh from her at that. It's a startling change from the amused gleams in her eyes, the upward quirks on the corners of her mouth, the occasional huff. It's low, and sweet sounding and it brings a full smile and crinkles around her eyes.

He's falling even more. 

He knows now he cannot walk away. No matter what she has revealed her, she chose to tell him to get him to understand her. 

"Now that you know--"

"I won't walk away," he says quickly, his words rushed, keeping hand linked with hers. "I do not want to, I have felt a connection to you that first night. I apologize for any hurt avoiding you the last few days, it's just it all took me by surprise and I had trouble reconciling the things I heard with the woman I've fallen in love with." 

_Oh._

He said the words.

He rubs the back of his neck, not quite looking at her now, feeling sheepish in how he just blurted out his feelings. 

"That.. was not how I planned on eventually saying it." 

“Feelings are complicated and complex,” she says after a moment. “Especially for one in my position.” 

“I imagine,” Hades mutters. He knows that templars are not supposed to have relationships. He knows that Aveline and Wesley had special permission to marry. The very fact that Meredith has admitted on her own to have feelings for him, is something that he knows is not easy. 

“We have to be careful, Hades,” She cautions. “And you...have to be content with what I can give you, what we can have. I cannot lessen my duties, I cannot shirk them, and I cannot let anyone think I am less dedicated to who I am and what I do. "You and I...this is how we can see each other. Moments, when we have time. It is not ideal, but it is our duty to do no less.”

She seems to be waiting for a response of sorts, so Hades nods. He taking a risk by being with her, she’s taking a risk by trying to meld her duty and him  together.

“We both do so much for those under our care,” she says softly. “We sacrifice. But we know we are the ones that have to do it. So we take what we have, together, and carve what time we can with each other in between everything else that takes our attention.”

“Like our meals at the Blades?” Hades offers with a slight smile.   
  
“Yes. The Maker is the cause of this.  Must be. He and Andraste have seen what we do, what we sacrifice, and have chosen to cross our paths...so they are not only duty and solitude.  I...that must be why."

Hades speaks quietly then,  rubbing her palm with his thumb.  "I may struggle with my faith, but yours burns brightly enough for both of us.  I want to believe." To his surprise, it was true. "We'll find a way, Meredith."

 


	16. Act 1: Three Days Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades reveals Malcolm Hawke's fate, and Meredith later has a brief chat with Carver.

**Act 1: The Blessed Blades**

 

Three days after their talk, the decision that was made they would try to work with this connection between them, Hades finds himself back in the Blessed Blades. Back in the darkened corner of the room, at their table.  
  
"We moved a lot," he says quietly, gaining Meredith's attention. He had been so careful in their conversations in the past. He wanted to share more than just the bare pieces he had in the past.

"Because he was an Apostate."  
  
_At first yes. Then there were two apostates, and then oh dear, three apostates._

Hades nods. He doesn't mention Bethany, can't mention her, not yet. Her death is still hard. "After about the fourth move, I realized it was better to not try and make friends with the kids in the village we lived in. Eventually we settled right on the outskirts of Lothering and just stayed. " Due to having to end so many early friendships in the past, Hades found himself resisting the temptation to make any connections in Lothering, despite how long they stayed there. "I was able to keep myself busy though. Helped mother, helped out with the twins, the house, with Father." 

Meredith's eyes narrow. "With what?"

"He always set himself up as a healer," Hades explains. "Father was good at it, both types of healing. I wanted to learn and help so he let me." 

There's a moment of silence, her fork taps against the edge of the plate, and Hades senses a question, a painful one, coming.   
  
"Hades, how did he die?"

Yes, indeed, it was one that hurt.

A hand briefly clasps over the one that he fists in his lap. "I know this is hard, but I was the one that lead the search for him, and a part of me needs to know. "   
  
He forces his gaze to meet Meredith's. She has her impassive face on so to speak, but it is in her eyes he sees the concern. Hades understands. He does.

"Lothering had a severe outbreak of some sort of illness," Hades says quietly, relaxing his hand and instinctively their fingers link together. "Three years before the Blight came. I tried to help, but he worked himself to exhaustion every day, trying to heal and cure the illness. He saved many lives, but lost a good amount too. By the time the outbreak seemed to have run its course, it had hit him. Too late though for any of us to do anything. He died from the fever caused by it three days after he collapsed in the inn."   
  
She's silent for what seems like a long minute.   
  
"You were close to him."

"Yes." Oh so much. He needs to shift the conversation a little. "Not what you were expecting?"

He hears her sigh. "There are not many good accounts with Apostates, Hades."

"I know. But now you know one at least."

She arches an eyebrow. "Telling me to keep an open mind?"

Hades cannot help but smile a little, through his own sadness at the memories still present. "Perhaps?" His thumb rests on her wrist, feeling her heartbeat after a few seconds, taking comfort in that.   


 

**Act 1:  A Brief Chat  
  
  
**

Meredith is striding through the Gallows, when she comes to a stop halfway through the courtyard. 

Hades' brother, Carver, is talking to her Knight Captain. He is by himself, not flanked by his brother or the other companions she's seen Hades with time to time. 

She watches for a minute, wondering what the younger Hawke may be here about, but then decides to find out for herself. She continues forward, reaching Knight Captain Rutherford and the younger man.   
  
"Knight Commander," Rutherford immediately sees her, greeting her quickly. She nods to him and then levels a look to Carver Hawke.   
  
"I hope you are not distracting my Knight Captain from his duties."

Carver shakes his head. "Apologies if I came at a wrong time," he says quickly, his Ferelden accent stronger than his brother’s, his voice rougher and his features harder. If Meredith had not been aware of the fact Hades was older, she would assume this would be the elder of the two. "I was asking about--" He takes a breath as if suddenly nervous. "I was asking him about--"

"What it requires to join the Order and also about Ser Maurevar Carver," Knight Captain Rutherford finished for him. He smiles gently and looks to her. "He found out his father named him after the templar that-" he trails off but quickly switches to the other part of the conversation. "He is curious about joining the the Order."   
  
Meredith faces Carver Hawke, who straightens. "Why?"

"Father always respected the templars, apparently enough to name me after one," he says not looking away from her, a difference from the hesitation earlier. "It is an idea right now, but... I wanted to know more. Become more."

Become more. Meredith remembers a conversation she had with Hades, the frustration coming off of him about the argument he and his brother got into. Carver was apparently searching for more, feeling tied to his brother's shadow. 

"Becoming a templar requires strength, faith, duty and conviction," she says sternly. "It is not somewhere you  turn to just from  wish to belong or become more, Carver Hawke. Templars are called to  strive to do the things others have no heart or strength to do. It is not an easy life, so make your choice wisely before venturing further. But I will leave the Knight Captain here to tell you more." She has an appointment with an uppity First Enchanter who still does not know his place.

 


	17. Act 1: Aftermath of Acts of Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades has to return to the Gallows to talk about the Starkhaven Mages, and meets the First Enchanter. Not exactly a great first impression.

**Act 1 - The Gallows** ****  
  


It started with a letter.  
  
A meeting with a templar.   
_  
"Master Hawke, I was hoping you would be willing to show mages a kindness once more."_

Ser Thrask. 

He was a reminder of another letter that was burning a hole among his things. A letter he found a while back, trying to help find Feynriel.    


This time Thrask sought him out.   
  
This time, with the help of Carver, Fenris, Varric and with some reluctance, accepted the  help of Anders (He had been roped into helping out at the clinic with Anders, by the mage himself. It did not take much roping- he had found some kids who needed some healing, and taken them to the clinic. The only time he felt comfortable around Anders was during the times he helped out in the clinic.) and entered the caverns to try and help the mages of Starkhaven.    


Alain was quick to be shown as someone in over his head and was quite willing to go to the templars.   
  
Grace made Hades decidedly uneasy, even with her protest that she had no truck with demons and argued against blood magic.  But Decimus and the others used it easily, and his skin and senses tingled while talking to her, almost making him want to crawl out of his own body.   
  
Ever since Idunna... the whispers and tendrils of when she tried to take over his mind and make him cut his own throat...the sheer force of will he had to use to break out of it...   
  
Hades was becoming far too familiar with the smell of blood magic in Kirkwall, something he was beginning to hate. It made every part of him feel unclean, his skin itch, his mind scream, the magic deep in him heave. The air always smelled metallic to him when the spell casting stopped, pervading his senses and just simply making him want to get clean as quickly as possible.   
  
He had never once encountered a mage using blood magic until he came to Kirkwall. Now, now it felt like every mage he was coming across was falling into the tempation of the pervasive magic. It was completely mystifying to him how so many can fall to the temptation, also made him a little afraid.  His experiences in Kirkwall just made him all the more determined to never fall to that.   
  
The only blood mage he's met so far that has not fallen to madness was Merrill and she is just a complete enigma. He still does not quite understand her dipping into that sort of magic, but at least she is not trying to possess templars nor burn Circles to the ground or summon demons. 

He felt like he was understanding Meredith more and more. If this was the challenges she kept coming up against- mages falling to blood magic, her templars at risk for possession because of one of them... not to mention what she told him earlier. It made her hardness even more understandable... and had him feeling sympathetic as well.    


He was able to convince Grace to come with him, to hand herself and the others  over to Thrask. Thrask was showing himself to be a templar of compassion and Hades found himself respecting the man even moreso. (Which meant he had to find the time to give him that letter he found.)  Even though she had made threats to expose him, she never did. Although Ser Kerras was quite the piece of work, Ser Thrask was able to take control of the small group of mages to ensure they would get to the Gallows.    


A day later, here he was, being summoned to explain his part in the handling of the Starkhaven mages. It was not written in her hand, but the Knight Captain’s.   
  
He was currently waiting outside the main hallway, waiting for permission to enter, the templar recruit Keran with him. As they waited, a group of templars walked past, and one of them did a double take. That templar and he stared hard at each other before  a sneer appeared on the man's features, and then he walked away.

  
"What was that about?" Keran whispered.

"Nothing to worry about," Hades says as easily as he can as he watches Ser Varnell  vanish into the templar's quarters.  ****

He was going to have to find a way to tell Meredith about him as well, not that he wanted to add to her pile of problems. 

 

 

*********************

 

  
"And you are being paranoid! Not every mage resorts to blood magic." 

Meredith sets her jaw as she stares at her First Enchanter. Orsino was as usual putting up a fuss about the solitary confinement she ordered the Starkhaven mages being put in when they returned with Thrask. 

"I am ordering an observation on them be made for fourteen days, First Enchanter," she says coldly. "Because there was exposure to blood magic, and there were mages that had resorted to it. So no I am not being paranoid, a word you like to uselessly throw around, but logical and thorough."

"These are mages that are simply having to to deal with the upheaval and shock of losing one home and being uprooted to another--"

"No doubt a couple of those were the cause of losing said home," She interrupts. "First Enchanter, I am about to have a visitor soon. I do not need to be going over old arguments with you while the one person who helped bring these mages here can verify some information." 

 

 

 

************************

 

 

Knight Captain Rutherford had relieved Keran, and then escorted Hades and Fenris (who had agreed to come in case Meredith had any questions that Hades might have a hard time answering. Fenris seemed amused at that, but thankfully  did not make any attempt at a joke) the two of them to the Knight Commander's office, but they came to a stop at the half-open door of her office as voices were being heard **.** Hades can easily make out Meredith's- and the tone of it. Her voice is calm, controlled, but after so much time getting to know her, he hears an edge. She is being challenged, and does not care for it. 

The other voice, is louder, angry, almost...rebellious in a way, to Hades's ears.   
  
"Just give it a moment," the Knight Captain grimaces. "The First Enchanter and the Knight Commander.   Their  discussions can be quite," he sighs, "contentious at times." 

From what his father told him about life in the Circles, First Enchanters and Knight Commanders were supposed to work together, rely on the other for experience and other matters pertaining the various mages and templars in the Circle. It sounded to Hades like a Circle should have two experienced leaders being a united front.  
  
The arguing that he could hear... did not sound like two people who were supposed to be an united front. 

"They were apostates for two, three days!" The voice of the First Enchanter was rising, and Hades could feel Fenris twitch next to him. 

"Three days too many for my liking. They will remain in isolation and be observed for the required period. This is protocol." Meredith- no the Knight Commander actually. Hades is doing his best to differentiate between the two. But he catches the inflection, the undertone of exhaustion in her words.  


"It is ridiculous," the male voice snaps. "I do not care what protocol--"

"Oh you have made that very clear what you think of my protocols over the years, First Enchanter. Regardless of what you may think, I will do what is necessary."

"Of course you do. You always do what  _ you  _ think is  _ necessary  _ you aggravating--"

"And here we are," the Knight Captain interrupts then, pushing the door open. "Knight Commander, I do apologize for the interruption as I know you have company. But two of the men that helped aid Ser Thrask with the Starkhaven mages are here.Messeres Hades Hawke and Fenris, Knight Commander."  

Hades felt relief at the Knight Captain interrupting the argument. A part of him was not liking what he was hearing, mainly from the First Enchanter, and he knew instinctively the reason behind that. Which is why he made sure to look calm as possible.   
  
The scene in front of him reminded him of a stand off. Meredith was standing, stiff, and in full Knight Commander mode, staring straight at who was clearly the First Enchanter, an elf. While her features were impassive, the First Enchanter had dislike clear as day on his features, as well as radiating the feeling of aggravation.   
  
"No apologies necessary, Knight Captain. The First Enchanter was leaving," the cold look that Mere-The Knight Commander levels at the First Enchanter almost makes Hades step back a little but the First Enchanter just scowls at her. 

"We are not done here," he snaps. then his eyes dart from the Commander to where the Knight Captain, Hades and Fenris were standing. As if finally noticing the added audience, despite the Knight Captain's entrance.   
  
Hades watched as if it had its own magical effect. The aggravation and dislike was wiped clean. The First Enchanter straightened to his full height, a serene look passing over his features and after a few seconds, a smile appears.   
  
"Ah yes," he says smoothly, his tone now welcoming. Hades is feeling a sense of whiplash on how quickly the First Enchanter changes. "You are the one that helped in prior Circle matters and now once again here you are. I thank you for assisting in bringing the mages here, Messeres Hawke and Fenris. I can only imagine what they must have been going through."

Hades wanted to snort at that, but it would not be polite. Fenris did it instead. Hades bit back a smile, keeping his expression as calm and neutral as he could. If he had not heard what he did just moments ago, and this would be his actual first impression of the First Enchanter, he would be having a different opinion all together.    


"They few of them that had not resorted to blood magic were shaken but willing," Hades said pointedly. He notices the jaw of the First Enchanter tightening just so slightly, but the calm smile stays.   
  
A smile that does not reach the man's eyes.   
  
"Ahh, and there it is. The calm and composed First Enchanter that everyone else sees," Meredith's cool voice makes the First Enchanter grimace. "Just a few seconds too late I think."   


She glances over at Hades, and Hades has to remind himself to act unaffected by those piercing ice blue eyes of her. "Hades Hawke. Once again, your name comes up when it comes to tasks my templars are supposed to be handling." 

"I like to help," is all he can say in his defense. What else can he say? That the nice templar ambushed him into helping? 

"Clearly." 

Her eyes land on Fenris. "And you as well."

"My talents are useful," Fenris says blandly. "I tend to be around when the need for them comes up." 

The First Enchanter stares at them both, his head cocked quizzically as he takes in Fenris, his eyes lingering on the elf's tattoos, and Hades feels the unusual urge to deck the man in defense of his friend who he knows doesn't like being stared at in such a way. And maybe it might be something else to. 

"Those markings are fascinating. May I ask--"

"No." Fenris says flatly, clearly stunning the First Enchanter for a few moments. He frowns at Fenris, then turns his gaze to Hades."

"Nine mages were brought back to us. Starkhaven had twenty that were supposed to come here." Orsino said then, his fingers tapping his staff. 

"Most of them were using blood magic and attacked me. Those that weren't using blood magic, but still followed Decimus attacked me and my companions. We defended ourselves. The nine that came here, were the ones that did not attack and did not use blood magic," Hades says as calmly and diplomatically as possible. He keeps his gaze level with Orsino's, not yet looking over at Mer-the Knight Commander.

"And just how were you able to tell they were using blood magic?" Orsino questions. His tone is calm, but there's something there. 

"You mean them cutting open their hands and using magic with the blood that spilled from it was not enough?" Fenris comments, sarcasm heavy in his words. This time it gets a reaction from the First Enchanter, who flinches. 

"That is enough, FIrst Enchanter. You read the report," the Knight Commander points to a stack of parchments on the desk.

"I simply had some questions--

"As I am sure it was said in the report," Hades finds himself interrupting the First Enchanter, already hearing his mother scolding him for being rude, but he could not  help himself. "Ser Thrask came across my group when we were finishing up a prior job," A lie yes, but Ser Thrask said he would put that in the report, and as much as Hades  didn't want to add more lies to the secret he was already keeping it was unavoidable. 

"He recognized me from helping out prior, and asked me to approach the Starkhaven mages. I did so. The first few willingly went to Thrask, denouncing Decimus. I went further into the caverns with my group, where we were attacked by Decimus and several others. When we were able to kill Decimus, the rest surrendered, swearing they did not perform blood magic, but I am sure that is something you both will be able to properly confirm." Hades glances between the two, then keeps his gaze steady with Orsino's. "Does that answer all those questions you may have?"

A muscle twitches in Orsino's right cheek, but again the man simply smiles. "Yes it does." 

"Wonderful," Fenris mutters. 

"Are there any others we should possibly be more alert for while they are in observation?" Hades hears the Knight Commander asks.

_ Grace... _

But should he...

He looks over at Meredith. "The one named Grace. She was Decimus' lover." No he is not going to feel guilty. This is something she needs to know. 

"Thank you," she says in a stiff tone. She looks over at the First Enchanter. "Are there any other questions?" 

"No." 

"Then there is no reason why you are lingering in my office instead of going down to the solitary observation rooms," she says firmly. 

Hades shifts on his feet as there seems to be another staring contest between them, then the 

First Enchanter huffs, before swiftly moving past them. 

Hades decides right then and there that he does not really like the First Enchanter. 

"I will send a letter to the Knight Commander in Starkhaven that due to unfortunate circumstances, only nine of their charges arrived safely." Mered--the Knight Commander's attention moves to Hades and Fenris. "I understand the risk you two and whomever else joined you had taken. While I do not approve my templars going for outside help, due to your prior actions I do understand.  If Ser Thrask promised you payment, it will be done by his own coin and not from the coffers of the Gallows," she says firmly. Hades inwardly winces as he does not doubt Thrask will most likely also be.. spoken to, about involving them. 

"Are there any other matters that need to be brought to my concern, Knight Captain?" 

"Not at this moment, Knight Commander." 

"Good. See to our guests then." Her gaze lands on Hades then, their eyes connecting and just for a few brief moments the walls that seperate who they are seem to lift, and he swallows. But then the moment is gone and the walls are back up. 

 

 

***************************

 

**Act 1: Lowtown- Gamlen's Home**

 

"You went to the Gallows without me?" Carver protests as he barges into their shared room. 

"I had Fenris with me."

"Hades!" 

Hades sighs as he sets the sword he just bought for Carver down. "Carver." 

"You are risking too much just by going there."

_ You have no idea how much I am risking, little brother. _

"What we did with the Starkhaven mages, the Knight Commander needed answers," Hades explains. "Fenris was there just in case she asked me questions I might have trouble answering." 

Carver frowns, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't like you going there without me, Hades." 

Hades hears the concern under the gruffly said words. "I know. I am sorry for leaving you out." 

Carver takes the apology instead of arguing, which shows how much better things have gotten between them. Hades was glad. Things were always... strained, and it felt like after those letters from Tobrius revealed how Carver was named, things started to eas up between them.

It made Mother happy too. 

"How are we with coin?"

And here is more good news. "We have enough. I'll be talking to Varric, and then we'll be approaching Bartrand." 

Carver sighs. "Good. No more fetching things for nobles. Sorry brother, but I was getting tired of being Kirkwall's lost and found collector."


	18. Act 1: A Private Meal Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades and Meredith find a way to spend some time together, away from prying eyes.

**Act 1- Days Before Deep Roads- The Knight Commander’s Home**

 

Varric told Hades that Bartrand was being an evasive jerk, well actually he used more colorful language, but Hades got the gist of it. So for now, heels were being cooled before they could show Bartrand the maps, give him the coin and become partners.    
  
So when Hades got a message to meet Meredith somewhere in Hightown, other than at the Blessed Blades, he jumped at it. Because having to hear Gamlen groan and moan, or Varric muttering about his brother, or Isabela talking  about how her friend Martin was mad that Hades refused to give him the information on where his damn poison was...well, he needed a break.    
  
So now here he is, in a modest estate in Hightown, near the Chantry not too far away from the secret entrance to Hessarian's Ascent.    
  
"This is.. this is yours?" Hades asks, his own voice sounding faint to him, as he looks around the sitting room he's in.   
  
It is minimally furnished, with very little decorations. If it is hers, he is not surprised by it.    
  
"It is the Knight Commander’s," she says with a slight smile that he sees when his gaze lands on her. She is still in armor, but she is sitting on the couch in a relaxed manner that he is not used to seeing from her.    
  
He likes it though.    
  
"I hardly ever use it, I prefer my own quarters in the Gallows, but I thought since we have to be careful, this could be a good place for us." She arches an eyebrow. "Am I wrong?"    
  
Hades shakes his head. "Hardly. Although if you hardly use it..."   
  
"No one will gossip about the Knight Commander using the home that is allotted to them," she says pointedly. "And very few would notice the visitor and if they did they know better than to gossip about such things."   
  
Translation- While others may talk about her behind her back about how she runs the Gallows, they won't dare gossip about her using something that technically belongs to her.    
  
It's an odd logic, but this is Kirkwall and Hades has long given up by now trying to understand most of Kirkwall.

"So," she says, that slight smile still evident and making him feel warm, "what shall we do for the next couple hours?"    
  
Hades grins. "I have an idea."    
  
  
  


*************************

 

  
The estate only has a few rooms that are used, but where they end up is in the kitchen where Hades takes the food that has been stocked and starts to prepare a meal. She had walked out the kitchen a few minutes before after showing it to him.   
  
However, as he cut the carrots, he sensed her behind him now.   
  
"You cook?"  
  
"You sound surprised."  
  
"You came to the Blades a lot," he hears her say as she enters the kitchen fully. "Same as me. I figured you could not cook."   
  
He shakes his head. "I learned as I got older. Wanted to help Mother out when the twins were getting to the point they could not keep still and needed an active eye on them."  
  
"Twins?"   
  
Hades pauses and then turns around ready to answer only to find himself a little tongue tied.  
  
She was standing just a couple feet away, without her templar armor on. She was wearing a simple pair of  black trousers, a blue tunic with a black leather vest over it, lacing on the sides. It was all so simple, yet so different and she still looked as beautiful to him as she did with armor.   
  
"Oh."   
  
Another arched eyebrow. "Fereldan."  
  
He blinks and shakes his head. "Uh, apologies. Yes?"  
  
"Twins. And cooking."  
  
"Oh...  well Carver had..had a twin," he swallows past the pain. "I learned how to cook, just like I learned how to help Father with making salves and potions for the villagers who needed healing." And learned how to cast healing spells. 

"So..I can cook."    
  
"I see." She eyes the food laid out behind me. It is not much, something simple that will not take up much time. "Would you like some help?"   
  
This time Hades arches an eyebrow. "Do you know how to cook?"   
  
Her eyes meet his, and once again he feels his stomach flip, and his chest tighten.    
  
"I can learn," she says softly.

 

**************************

 

 

They only had a little less than an hour for their meal once it was prepared, but they made the most of it, embracing their limited together to learn more about the other. More than they had in their quiet conversations in the darkened corner of Blessed Blades.    


The meal was a basic one and easy to make, and just the simple act of making something together worked its way into Hades' brain and stayed there, becoming a memory that he thinks will last a long time.   
  
Now, they both were getting ready to leave- him going back to Lowtown, her back to her duties at the Gallows.   
  
Hades planned on leaving a few minutes before she did, just to keep any possible busybodies at bay. While Meredith was confident no gossip would occur, he was not.   
  
He watched from his spot in the sitting room as she finished putting her templar armor back on, and he was struck by an urge to do something. 

Well a certain something. 

 

***********************

  
  
  
Meredith paused in the action of putting on her gauntlet, as she noticed an indecisive look pass over Hades's face. Her Fereldan was looking unsure about something, despite how well their brief time together here went.   
  
Holding the gauntlet in her hand, she crosses the few feet of distance between them, and after a moment of hesitation herself, places her bare hand against his face, making his startled gaze meet hers. 

"Fereldan?" She says softly. "Something wrong?"

His hand reaches up to grasp hers, his warm skin sliding over her own cool skin, thumb pressing against her wrist. He doesn't move her hand away but he turns just slightly. His lips press softly against her wrist, making her heart beat fast. Then he takes her palm away, turns it and kisses the back of her hand as softly as he kissed her wrist.    


"Have a good night, Kirkwall," he murmurs, his dark brown eyes filled with warmth and the love she knows he feels.   
  
"You as well," she wills herself to say. He lets go of her hand and she watches, a little numb, as he walks out of the estate.   
  
It takes her a couple minutes to get the sense to put her gauntlet back on, but the sensation of those two gentle kisses on her hand seems to have imprinted on her skin and in her mind. 

 


	19. Act 1: A Deal Is Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades finally struck a deal with Varric's brother, and preparations to head to the Deep Roads are in place. Fenris checks in on him. 
> 
> Meredith ends up having another talk with Grand Cleric Elthina.

  
  
**Act 1: The Hanged Man- Varric's Room**  
  
  
  
Hades always tries to trust the people he makes deals with. Varric, he trusts. Fenris, he trusts. He trusts his brother of course. Isabela... well not so much but she's interesting and despite that fact he has no idea where he stands with her or what she is going to do next, he thinks he can trust her with his back. Anders.. no. Despite his time working at the clinic with him, he does not trust Anders. Merrill, despite everything in him telling him to stay away, he trusts her.

But Bartrand?

No. He does not trust Varric's brother one bit. 

Hence the contract he had Varric draw up once the deal with Bartrand was made. 

"Got a good business sense there," Bartrand snorts as he signs the contract, pushing it towards Hades. 

"Simply common sense really," Hades counters, signing.

"Good. Now that's done, we'll be getting a move on. Be ready in two days, Fereldan. And be prepared. We're going to be gone a long time." 

Everyone leaves Varric's room, except Fenris and Hades.   
  
Hades looks up from the signed contract, evidence of what he is now going to be doing soon to see Fenris staring straight at him.  
  
"What?"

"You have not stopped by the mansion lately."

"And?"

Fenris shrugs. "I have been preparing myself for another panicked talk, or being the middle man in a meeting."

Hades blinks, then the elf's words sink in. "Oh... uh no. Did you know the Knight Commander here has an estate of their own?"

Fenris chuckles. "Yet templars are not supposed to have many material things correct?'

"Apparently it's given to them by the Viscount, or whatnot." Hades pauses. "Did I really come to you a lot in a state of panic?"

"No," he says in a deadpan tone. "Not a lot, just enough to go through most of my wine and have me attuned to your frantic knocking."   
  
Hades rubs the back of his neck, wincing. "Apologies."

Fenris waves it off. "So, shall I remain in ignorance over the events of what happened or the fact that you know where that the Knight Commander has her own private residence an answer enough?"   
  
Hades feels his cheeks warming and knows he is probably blushing. "Uhh, things are good. We both.. well we both realized that we uh.. well." He clears his throat. "Do you really want to know?"

Fenris smirks. "So no more late night panicked talks then and drinking of my wine?"

Hades snorts. "Don't get your hopes up on that."

"With mages, I never do."  
  
  


*******************

 

**Act 1: The Gallows- Templar Barracks**

 

"Your Knight Captain told me I could find you here, child," Meredith hears Elthina's voice say in her usual calm tone behind her.   
  
She is in her sparse living quarters in the barracks. Hers is a bit bigger than the others due to her rank but she does not have much in here, no need.   
  
Meredith pauses in her prayer at the altar and takes a moment to stand and turn. "Grand Cleric?"   
  
A soft smile. "No need to worry, child. I simply came to see you." She closes the door behind her. "I assume your quarters are private enough for a talk," she adds as she sits down in the chair by the dresser.

"It is, no one dares to bother me in my quarters unless it is vastly needed."

Grand Cleric Elthina nods. "Good. I came by out of concern and curiosity. How are things faring between you and the Fereldan you told me about?"

Before she can control it, can stop it, the mentioning of the man by the nickname she had given him, brings warmth and she feels it in her face. Annoyed with her own body betraying her feelings, she frowns.

"Fine," she murmurs.

The Grand Cleric chuckles. "I see that, Meredith. If not for that faint blush that you most likely wish was not there, but in your eyes as well. I like this look on you, my dear."

Considering the Grand Cleric encouraged her to go with her feelings on this, Meredith should be relieved, but a part of her is worried.

"Be a good girl, Meredith, and do not let this make you falter in your duties. While the Chantry itself says templars are not supposed to indulge in relationships, I have always firmly believed love can help strengthen a templar in their duty, not weaken them despite what others think." She smiles at her and Meredith feels the tight knot of worries loosen in her. "Besides I see you praying. You are still as devout and faithful as you always been, love is not making you stray."

"It never will, Grand Cleric."

The Grand Cleric reaches over and takes Meredith's hand, squeezing it gently. "Good. Now I know I interrupted prayer, perhaps we can pray together?"

Meredith nods and soon both women are kneeling before the alter, the Chant being recited by the both of them, devout in their belief and their cause.

She prays for Hades as well, for Andraste to guide him as she has been guiding her.


	20. Chapter 20

**Act 1- The Day Before- Hessarian's Ascent**

 

He's at the second bench in Hessarian's Ascent. Hades had sent a message to Meredith. It was almost time to go on Bartand's expedition. He had a couple things to say to her, as well as something to give to her.    


He likes the Ascent, there's something peaceful here, and the benches make it easy to simply sit and lose track of time.    


He thinks it's about fifteen minutes since he sat down when he hears the firm footsteps of Meredith. She comes into view a few minutes later, and stops in front of him. 

"This could not wait until dinner?" She asks, sounding annoyed. "I do recall the other day you telling me that you would be able to show up for dinner on this night."

Hades shakes his head. "That was before Bartrand told me we were leaving for the Deep Roads tomorrow. I had given him the coin and bargained for partnership in the proceeds to join in the expedition a week back and he just got back to me. Carver and I will be heading out tomorrow, and spending the night preparing and packing for the trip. I cannot.. I cannot get away for dinner tonight." He offers a half smile. "Or any other meal for a while."    


Her annoyance disappears and her features take on that look of impassiveness, but Hades knows beneath that impassiveness lies concern.    


"Do you know how long you may be gone?" She asks, standing stiff.    


Hades shakes his head. "It's a week below the surface, maybe a little more, and depending on how long it takes to get whatever we need to haul up to the surface, possible delays on routes.. At best I think a month?" 

"I see."    


"Meredith--"

She holds up a hand. "I know you have been waiting to go on this for a while, why you have been working as hard as you have. I remember our conversations, Hades. Thank you for telling me." She cocks her head, to the left, her eyes narrowing. "There is something else."

She has been reading him well, Hades  thinks ruefully. "Two things." He takes a deep breath and hands her a sealed letter. Her eyes drop from him to the letter as he presses it in her hands. 

"In case.. in case the worst happens, Meredith, this is for you. Read only if the worst is confirmed. Burn it if does not come to pass."    


She frowns, and then looks at him. He sees her about to object, then she stops. "I will." She slips the letter in the small scroll pouch she has tied by her side. "There is something else, Hades, I can see it in your eyes. What is it?" 

He takes another breath, this time to quell his nerves. "Meredith, you have a templar that is doing something he is not supposed to be doing."

A scowl this time, and he knows he is treading a line here and his next few words must be careful. "Do you remember me telling you about a job I had, escorting a Qunari Mage?"

"You told me little, except that it went badly in the end." 

"Yes. It was initially a set up, to help sow discontent and disorder with the Qunari and the citizens of Kirkwall." He licks his lips, in a nervous tick. He knows she takes her faith very seriously. "It was orchestrated by Sister Petrice." He sees her stiffen then. "She hired me, hoping that in the ensuring confrontation between the Qunari Mage and the Arvaraad, who is their Handler, I would be killed and it would help sow discord. Meredith, she had help by way of one your own. A Ser Varnell." 

 

*********************

 

Meredith almost wants to reject what she is hearing. While she knows many have issues with the Qunari in the compound, she has had no opinion on the matter- except encourage the Viscount to create the compound to contain them.    
  


What she has issue with is one of her templars straying from his duty. What she has issue with is a Sister of the Chantry apparently twisting the faith that drives and comforts Meredith. 

She wants to reject this notion, as it angers her as well as saddens her to hear it. At first she feels the need to rebuke, to scold, but when her gaze meets those familiar and expressive warm brown eyes of Hades, holding worry and nervousness, her initial response stalls. Hades has no reason to lie to her about this. He is a good, honest man, one who has been working hard and has no reason to be false.    


"I did not tell you beforehand because in the beginning I was not aware of your position, and did not think it would be in either of our best interests to talk about it. I was not sure if you could do anything, and I did not want to bother you with templar things during our times together. And then after--" Hades runs a hand through his hair in frustration. "After I was nervous just at the thought of telling you that one of your own may be--"

"Straying from his duties?" She asks sharply. He winces and nods, looks down at the ground. He does that she notices when he needs to gather himself.    


"I'm sorry from keeping it from you, but I also just wanted to forget them both. Petrice left a sour taste in my mouth, Varnell was just as bad.  No, worse."   


"And you are choosing now to tell me, when you are about to go the Deep Roads. Because you worry that you may not come back." Her heart clenches at the thought.    


"I know you probably cannot do anything regarding Petrice--"

No she cannot. She will leave that to Elthina. But she can take one of her own in hand and make an effort to make sure he does not stray from his duty, his responsibility to the Templar Order. Templars are to have faith, are called to their calling by the Maker yes, but that does not mean they are to be used at the whims of a Sister.    


His duty and responsibility was towards watching the mages, not sowing discord and discontent. 

"Thank you for telling me."

He still looks nervous. "I am not trying to-"

"Hades, I know you are telling me the truth," she softens her voice then, and when he relaxes, she makes not of that, files it away. 

"I have to go," he says softly. 

"I know." She pauses for a moment, then takes off one of her gauntlets and places her hand against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his cheek against the coolness of her palm. He closes his eyes, a hand reaches up to press against hers, his thumb resting on her wrist. She wonders if he can feel her heartbeat there. 

She closes the slight gap between them and presses her forehead against his. She has this need to touch him, with everything that had been said. The letter in the pouch, Ser Varnell, his leaving for such a long time.  "You had best come back, Fereldan. I will not hear of you getting lost in the Deep Roads. There will be no tavern to slip into, to evade Darkspawn." 

He opens his eyes, those expressive brown eyes meeting hers and he smiles. He turns his head enough to kiss her palm firmly. "I plan to," he says firmly. With a sigh, he steps back from her, their foreheads no longer connecting. He keeps his hold on her hand however, and like during that time when they had that dinner, he kisses her knuckles gently, before letting go. 

She watches as he turns and walks away, down the rest of Hessarian’s Ascent. Her heart, her mind, her body all at war with one another over everything. 

His kisses remain firmly in her mind, even as she thinks about the other things revealed.

She needs to deal with Ser Varnell, she needs to put this letter somewhere safe. 

She needs to go to the Chantry, to pray for her continued vigilance and duty to her Calling, as well as for Hades.

For him to get what he needs and to come back.  
  
  
  
__________________________________

_ The Contents Of The Letter That Will End Being Unread And Burned:  _

 

_ Dear Meredith, _

__ If you have opened this, then what I have told you is true. The worst has come to pass, and I will not be returning. The Deep Roads have claimed me, and I can only hope it has not claimed my brother, as my mother will need someone.   
__   
__ I end up leaving this world, with only three regrets-  
__   
__ I regret not being able to fulfill my father's wishes to protect our family.   
_   
_ __ I regret not having the chance to spend more time with you. To try to get a true full smile, to hear that soft huff of laughter, to see that amusement light up in your eyes, to see you react to one of my stories. 

_ To hear you talk about your faith, your life as a templar, your calling, your devotion to something you feel is greater than you. Your own devotion and faith has made me wish I could be better with faith.   _

_ That we will not be able to hold hands, hold each other, simply be in each other's company any longer... to kiss. At the time I have I written this, I have been in love with you for weeks now, and we have not had a single kiss. I feel sad at that, as I get ready to enter the Deep Roads. I am doing this to help my family and I, to help my mother get her family home back, to ensure my brother can get out of my shadow as he calls it, and become his own man.  _

_ My desire to help my family came at a cost.  _ _   
_

_ And my final regret, is  that I have lied to myself, and essentially to you about who I am.  _

_ You know about my apostate father, my apostate sister- both are dead, and that means I will be joining them. _ _   
_

_ What you do not know, what I have kept from you and tried  to forget about myself… _ _   
_

_ I am a mage, Meredith.  _ _   
_

_ I imagine you feel shock and anger now, and you will probably toss my letter aside. But I hope, after your anger and shock passes, that you have not yet burned this letter. Because I still have more to say.  _

_ I am.. well, was a mage.  _

_ I fell in love with you before I knew who you were, and even after, I could not ignore my love for you. I wanted to stay away from you, but could not. I love you, Meredith Stannard, and I am sorry that by lying to myself and hiding a part of me, that I hurt you.  _

_ I will never regret loving you, I will only  regret that I could never tell you that and you had to find out this way.  _

_ I love you, always _

_ Hades.  _

_ PS: If you can find it in yourself, and I will understand if you don't, please keep an eye on Mother for me. Carver too, if he makes it back.   _

  
  



	21. Act 1: The Deep Roads

**  
Act 1-The Gallows- Next Day**

Meredith opens the door to her office, to see her hooded informant standing there. No one else is in the hallway, and the First Enchanter's door is open, but he is not in there.   
  
"They left two hours ago," the raspy voice says. 

"Thank you." 

"Just to let you know, the Warden Healer Anders  was there. Apparently the Deep Roads maps were his."

Meredith's hand twitches at the mention of the Warden Healer. She has heard plenty of whispers about him, knows he is somewhere in Darktown, but no idea where. She suspects he could possibly be a mage, but she has no proof right now. Even if she did, she can do nothing. He is a Warden, protected by that title. Her letters to Weisshaupt have not been answered yet.    


Hades got his maps from Anders then...he might know, but would he tell her? She thinks he might not, possibly out of possibly friendship with the man (although she has not recalled hearing his name mentioned among his companions in those stories he tells) or possibly respect of his Apostate father. Anders poses no threat... now. Hades would be too kind hearted to tell her as well.   


"Thank you," she hands a couple gold coins to her informant. This one has kept her well informed about many things in Kirkwall.   


She closes the door and heads to her desk, many thoughts running through her mind. The letter from Hades sits on top of the many pieces of parchment that wait for her to read.    


He will be heading into the Deep Roads soon, and be risking his life to bring security to his family.    


She closes her eyes and grabs the prayer beads that were just a few feet away.   


*Andraste, keep him safe* she requested to the Maker before she continues her daily  prayer for patience, vigilance and prepares herself to face whatever today brings.

 

 

 

**Act 1- Deep Roads- 3 Weeks Later**   
  


 

Hades prided himself on his patience. He had learned, from his father, that patience is a virtue one must have. Especially as a mage.   


Bartand was seriously stretching his patience to the limit since they got waylaid by a rockslide. Everyone camped, everyone pulled out those maps Anders gave them, and discussed things. 

Carver was being relatively calm. Fenris too. Varric.. was bitching with Bartrand and Hades was getting ready to put the two of them in a timeout.    


Three weeks of this, and so far, he has not killed anyone.    


Patience is a virtue indeed, if only it was not being frayed by the Tethras brothers.   


Hades already was annoyed with how Bartand had punched the worker, and after he made sure Carver and Fenris were good, made his way over to the workers, doing his best to shut out Varrica and Bartrand.   


"I can heal that if you like," he offers softly.    


The worker eyes him warily, the cut on his cheek  no longer bleeding but still... After a moment, he nods. Hades places his hand gently against the man's cheek and a white glow emerges from his hand.   
  
After a minute, he drops his hand, the white glow fades. The cut is healed.   
  
"Better?" Hades asks.  
  
The man nods, offering him a smile.   
  
He looks at the group of other workers, seeing the various bruises and cuts on them all. Bartrand had driven them all mercilessly when they finally got to the entrance and started this trip. Only short breaks for sleep if needed, and Hades had been too exhausted to do much except get something to eat and sleep.   
  
Now he had time while the Tethras brothers argued and he could see that many needed to be tended to.   
  
"I would like to heal those of you who need it, as I can see many things that can be attended to," he says, keeping his voice soft and his manner gentle. He smiles in offering as well. "Please." 

It is not long until he has set up a first aid corner so to speak, being assisted by both Fenris and Carver to his surprise after he worked on the first two. Some do not want magical healing, so Hades does what he can with bandages, ointments that he was able to buy from Bohdan, and some clean water he used sparingly.   
  
Hours later, he feels exhausted, having healed many aches, wounds and other health issues.   
  
"Here," Carver says gruffly, handing him a canteen and then Hades blinks in surprise as Carver takes a towel and wipes the sweat from his forehead and the rest of his face. "Keep this up, brother, and you will be useless for the rest of the expedition," his brother says grumpily.   
  
"It was needed," Hades says simply and then refrains from smiling as Carver takes food from Fenris to hand to him.    


"Bloody self sacrificing you are," Carver mutters, shoving the plate to him. "Eat this, gather your strength while Fenris tells the dwarves to shut up."

"I am?" Fenris asks, clearly amused.

"Yes," Carver growls and Hades again has to refrain from smiling. 

"Threaten to punch a hole in Bartrand's chest or something. We all need to rest and we won't be getting it with those two..." 

"Yes, that should get a tempermental dwarf to shut up," Fenris says and Hades shoves food in his mouth to stop himself from laughing, "by threatening to kill him." 

 


	22. Act 1:  Ser Varnell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knight Commander Meredith Stannard takes Ser Varnell to task.

**Act 1- The Gallows**

 

Meredith stares at the templar in front of her, choosing to address Ser Varnell in the courtyard, early morning when all the other templars assembled. She had taken her time, used her informants and other templars to confirm the information Hades had given her.   


She was going to make Ser Varnell an example. Templars may serve Andraste, the Maker, the Chantry to protect and guard mages, but they do not serve Sisters who apparently had schemes among schemes. Ser Varnell strayed from his path of duty, honor, vigilance. She will correct that today.    


She had given the information she found about Sister Petrice to Elthina, who assured Meredith that the Sister would be dealt with.    


Now, it was time to deal with her wayward templar.    


"Ser Varnell," she says his name clearly, as Knight Captain Rutherford stands next to her. "How are you today?"

The smile that graces his features makes her quietly seethe. "I am well, Knight Commander. How are you?"

He will not be much longer.   


"Ser Varnell, I am disappointed to say I am not doing well," she stares directly at him. "When one of my templars strays from his duties, it looks poorly upon me. And that, that does not make me happy." 

He blinks, the smile not quite fading yet. "Knight Commander?"

“I received word that you think it is perfectly acceptable to leave your post.  To abandon your charges, leaving them vulnerable. Worse, that you did so to help in schemes that do not befit your status as a Templar, ones that bring disgrace upon not just you but the Order itself.  Imagine my dismay when I first received word about it, and then I investigated, it was confirmed. One of my own, lax in his duty to the Circle, playing as a schemer in an act of aggression to our Qunari visitors. Trying to threaten the safety of Kirkwall is not what my templars do."   


With each word she said, clear and concise, with no need to raise her voice, the smile faded and he looked ill. Other templars kept perfectly still, no doubt feeling her anger and disappointment. Templars she knew that generally got along with Varnell looked at him uneasily.    


"While we are indeed connected to the Chantry, I want to make something clear. Your duty is  _ here, _ in the Gallows. Your duty is to guard the mages from dangers, from themselves as well as outside dangers. Your duty is to  _ protect  _ Kirkwall from the dangers of magic, not try start a new conflict **.** Your loyalty is to your faith, your duty, your oath, to the Gallows and most importantly, you answer to _ me.  _ Not to Sisters of the Chantry with their own schemes and agendas, not to outsiders. You answer to  _ me _ with your actions. Every single one of you. And if you think that you can just shirk your oath to the Circles, then think again. Because look upon your fellow templar Ser Varnell and see what such a decision will reap."    


She steps up to him until there is very little space between them, her eyes locked with his. 

"As of right now, you still remain a templar. This is your first offense,  but you will suffer for it. Any possible promotions or transfers will be denied to you for five years. For three years, your weekly stipend will be reduced by half, your weekend visits to town are forfeited for a year. You need to regain your faith, renew your vows, Ser Varnell. Ser Ollas will personally escort you to the Chantry twice a week to make reparations to the Maker and Andraste for your lapse in your duties, and you will be spending a lot of time between working with the new recruits and doing a vigil once a month to remind you who exactly you serve. This is your punishment, and you will face it. Am I clear?"

Silence.   


"Ser Varnell."    


"Yes, Knight Commander," he says finally, his jaw so tight and clenched she is surprised he is able to answer.    


"Good. You are dismissed. You need to take your first vigil. Ser Ollas, make sure to escort him to Prayer Room and stay there while he does."    


The other templar nods and she watches as Ser Varnell is escorted away. She turns back to the other templars, who all seem to straighten.    


"Let this be a lesson," she says, keeping her tone even. "Do not falter in your duties like he did." 

 


	23. Act 1: Betrayal and Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith receives word of Bartrand's betrayal, Hades deals with it, and also worries over his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lifted some of the dialogue from the Deep Roads act from the game to this.

 

**Act 1: The Deep Roads**

 

After being stuck for a couple days, then venturing out with Fenris, Carver and Varric to find another route to the thaig Bartand wanted to so badly, they finally got to it. Along the way they found Sandal who worried the hell out of Bohdan, and made sure he made it back to his father. 

And wound up killing dragons. 

In the Deep Roads.

Hades really cannot seem to escape them. 

As they settled in the thaig, eying all the odd differences that Bartrand had mentioned, Hades kept an eye on Carver. He had a dizzy spell right around the time they found Sandal, but seemed to have recover from it well enough. 

So far despite some fights with some Darkspawn, no one's been infected. 

He looks around the cavern, seeing what looks like some red veins, similar to the blue lyrium veins he had seen before. There's a section that's been carved out, leading outward. 

Hades shifts on his feet as he gets closer, sees the path and a part of him wants to go forward. The quicker they get what they need from this place, the quicker they can get back. 

"Hmm," Varric hums, appearing next to him. "Whatever's through there, it seems still intact. Think we'll find anything?”

"Bartrand is far more enthralled with this place than you are."

Varric huffs. "Unlike him, I wasn't born in Orzammar. I wouldn't even be down here if there wasn't profit in it." Varric pauses. "This entire place gives me the chills. Let's hope it's worth it."

*******************

 

 

_ Let's hope it's worth it _

 

Hades stares at the shut door in frustration as Varric yells at his brother for betraying them. 

Only moments after he had tossed that lyrium idol to him. The brief moment Hades had it, he didn't want to give it up really. Something told him to hold on to it, to protect it. But he was able to handle to it to Varric... who tossed it to Bartrand.

Who was now stabbing all of them in the back. 

Hades looks over at Carver, who's leaning against the wall. Looking a little tired and sweaty, which isn't unusual, but that dizzy spell is on the back of his mind. Fenris doesn't look too bothered by Bartrand's betrayal, but then considering some of the things he's probably seen, this is mild. 

"Carver?" He asks him quietly, over Varric's threats of killing his brother. "Are you all right?"

Carver waves a hand. "Just tired, and this doesn't really help. Don't fuss." 

"All right." 

 

**Act 1- The Gallows**

 

**Bartand betrayed them.**   


Meredith stares at the letter that she found. It was slipped under her door, earlier in the day while she was seeing to other matters. She recognizes the writing- an informant of hers.   


**He was spotted with the Merchant's Guild, stating Varric and the others, including the humans, were dead. The Guild is not buying it and told Bartrand to get out of Kirkwall. Rumor has it the Guild is sending out a party to search for survivors- apparently they want to make sure the younger Tethras comes back.** **  
**

Her eyes flicker to the currently unopened letter on her desk.    


__ Not yet.   
  
She will not give in and read it yet. 

_ She will not.  _

 

 

 

**Act 1- The Deep Roads** ****  
  


They've been travelling for about a week, Hades thinks. Without the sun, time seems endless down here. But he tries to keep track. They travel, rest, travel, then sleep a few hours, then travel again.    


They've come across some unsettling things here. No idea what kind of demons they are, but they take a bit to destroy. Hades is always feeling exhausted now, and he's worried about Carver.    


Carver keeps waving off his concerns. Hades hopefully thinks his brother just needs actual fresh air and sunlight.    


Varric seems to be more concerned about his own brotherly troubles, and Fenris is doing what he can to be alert to any threats.    


About an hour in, Hades is leaning on his staff, feeling a bit incredulous that this demon thing is offering him a deal.    


Fenris glances at him and Hades shakes his head.    


Fenris turns to the demon, a hunger demon. "The answer is no," and before the demon can respond, Fenris strikes. 

Hades has enough strength to cast a couple barriers, but nothing more and it's the others that take down all the targets.  He takes a look at how many lyrium potions he has left- he didn't have many to start with since this little extra detour, and he's been using them sparingly.    


"I think now would be a good time to rest," Hades says weakly. "If anyone needs healing--"

"You will do so later," Fenris says firmly. "Not when you're barely able to stand. We rest here." He shakes his head and heads over to Carver where Hades sees still looking shaky and pale, despite being able to fight just fine moments ago. He swears he hears Fenris mutter something about mages and not knowing when to stop. 

 

**************************

 

 

Rest didn't prepare Hades for a fight with what Varric called a rock wraith.    


They barely survived that.   


But on the bright side, they found plenty of treasures and money. Thanks to a couple spells and an empty bag, they've been able to grab a good amount. With Varric promising a return for the rest.    


Hades never saw so many gold coins in his life. And according to Varric, a few of the items will certainly sell for a lot.    


"This will help Mother," Carver murmurs. He stumbles and nearly falls but Hades grabs him and pulls him upright.    


He doesn't look...  _ right.  _ There's something... 

"Stop staring at me," Carver grumbles. "I'll be fine once we get back to the surface."   


"Hawke! Found an entrance! I recognize some of of the passages. We're a week, maybe two from the surface!" Varric calls out.    


"Please let it be a week," Fenris says next to him as he hefts a sack over his shoulder.   



	24. Act 1: The Death of Carver Hawke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carver Hawke dies in the Deep Roads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More dialogue from the game lifted to here.

**Act 1- The Deep Roads- 5 Days Later**

 

Carver wasn't fine.    


When they finally got to the point where they had originally started, Carver collapsed.   
  
He looks exactly like Wesley. 

Hades’ worst fear is here.   
  
"It's the Blight isn't it?" Carver's words are resigned and raspy. "Just like that templar, Wesley. I'll be just as dead."  
  
"I can't heal this," Hades whispers, his heart breaking. He's breaking his promise again. First Bethany, now Carver. "Carver.."

"I thought it was nothing." He pauses, then coughs. "Hoped anyway. Idiot."

He hears Fenris huff behind him, but thankfully the elf doesn't say anything. Varric is also quiet. 

"We're not too far from the surface, a few more days and maybe we can get Anders to take you to some Wardens," Hades says, thinking out loud. 

Carver coughs, violently, and Hades takes hold of his brother, as he bends over. Fenris comes over to kneel next to him, handing Carver a piece of cloth. Hades doesn't have to see to know what will be on it when Carver wipes his mouth. He closes his eyes, and just holds his cantankerous little brother closer. 

He hears Carver drink, Fenris must have handed him a canteen. 

"I'm not going to make it to the surface," Carver counters, "Not anywhere. It's getting worse."

Hades hears Varric say something but he can't make it out. All he knows is once more he's failing in his promise to protect his family.   
  
  
  


*********************

**  
**  
  
It's been a couple hours now, long hours, since Carver's Blight SIckness came on so fiercely. Hades was able to get a potion down Carver that would help his brother out some, but in the end he knows it won't stop anything.  


He remembers Flemeth's words.   
__   
__ *"The only cure I know of is to become a Grey Warden."*  
  
And there were no Grey Wardens here.    


He knew one, but because he didn't trust Anders, he chose not to take him.    


Carver starts coughing again and Hades rushes over to him, holding him to prevent Carver from hurting himself even more.

Hades knows what he has to do. But it is not something he can give voice to. 

Carver can. Because it's Carver. Of course.    


"You need to do it, like Aveline with Wesley." Carver's hand grips his wrist tightly. "Nothing can cure this, and I'm dying. Don't try to be all self sacrificing and nearly kill yourself trying to heal me to keep a promise."    


Hades lets out a laugh, tinged with desperation and his own heartbreak. "Dying hasn't changed you at all it seems."   
  
Carver turns his head, and his hazy eyes meet Hades’. "Please."

Hades bites back a sob, and nods. He lets go of his brother, and walks over to where the others are, to grab his dagger.   
  
While his promise to his father, dying on his deathbed, echoes in his head.

__ "I will keep them safe, Father. I promise."  
  
As his hand closes around the hilt, Fenris's hand covers his.

"If you cannot, I can."    


Five simple words. Similar to that time with Kelder. Fenris willing to do a deed that Hades found himself faltering on. 

"This is my brother, my responsibility," Hades counters, refusing, looking up to meet Fenris's heavy gaze. "Thank you though."   


Fenris nods, drops his hand and steps back. 

Choices have consequences.    


This was the consequence.   
  
Hades turns and heads over to his brother. His armor had been taken off earlier, and nearly everything else save for the tunic and pants. He sits down, and pulls Carver up into a sitting position, and then pulls his brother to lean against his chest, one arm wrapped around his chest.   
  
"I used to hold you like this when you were little and could not sleep," Hades murmurs, letting his tears escape and streak down his cheeks.   
  
A labored breath. "I remember. You hummed a song to me to help me sleep."    
"Want me to do that now?"

Carver snorts. "No, you were horrible with the humming then, you'll just be as horrible now." Carver's free hand goes to the hand that is holding the dagger, moves it up to where Hades knows where his heart is.   
  
"I'll help," Carver says, his breathing heavier now.   
  
It takes everything in Hades at this moment to turn the blade, to put the point directly where it needs to go. Carver's fingers press against Hades's fingers. 

"I love you brother."

"I love you as well," Hades words are broken between cries as the dagger drives into Carver's heart.    


A slight gasp, a shudder, Carver's hand falls, and moments later, Hades feels the life leave his little brother's body as his head slumps against him.    


Hades breaks down, sobbing.    



	25. Act 1: The Wounded Coast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hades returns. Meredith seeks him out. They share more about themselves- Hades talks about Bethany for the first time, and she reveals the events that started her on the path to becoming a templar. In the end, they take another step closer to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of Act 1. Upcoming parts will be the in between years of Act 1 and 2 which are currently in the process of being written. 
> 
> Once more, parts of Meredith's past was taken from her wiki and the WOT Vol 2.

**Act 1: The Gallows- A Couple Days Later**

 

Gossip came fast and swift. It even reached the Gallows. Her templars did like to gossip it seems. They think she did not know.

Foolish of them.

Her informant made sure to send word, confirming that Hades did indeed make it back. So did the dwarf, Varric Tethras.

One person did not.   
  
Carver Hawke.

It appears he did not survive the trek in the Deep Roads.

If she knows her Fereldan like she knows she does, then Meredith has the feeling Hades is blaming himself entirely, and is feeling utterly miserable.

Meredith is impatient, something she does not like. She is never impatient. If this is part of being in love, she can do very well without it.

She feels the deep need to see him, to see how he his handling his ordeal. But she knows his family, what is left now, comes first. No doubt Leandra Hawke will need her son’s attention and care.

She can wait.

She does not like it, but she can wait.

Then she will go to him.

  
****  
**Act 1- Three Days Later-The Wounded Coast  
  
**

Hades has been sitting here for an hour, a half drunk bottle of the hardest mead he could find.   
  
He had to leave after. After telling Mother what happened, the last few days had been... hard to say the least.    
  
The Wounded Coast had a small area that he found during his wanderings before, an old camp that was once set up but never taken down. A couple boulders set in the sand. He had plopped down here, and leaned against the boulders as he stared out into the ocean.   
  
Varric promised to get some people to go back down there, to get a group to bring Carver's body back.   
  
They wrapped his brother and set him in a safe spot, Hades casting a couple spells as well. There was no way he was going to let Carver rot down there. His brother deserved better. They barely had time to bury Bethany, didn't have time to do a proper burial or really  mourn her, so he was damn well going to make sure Carver had the proper rites, and even make sure Bethany got some as well.   
  
It was only fair.   
  
His mother was a mess, didn't want him in the house trying to comfort her. She actually turned to Gamlen, lashed out at Hades the first day a number of times. Now it's been three days, and nothing but silence and tension. Oh Mother would apologize eventually, but he'll still remember the words.   
  
She still blamed him for Bethany after all.

He's not drunk enough to deal with this right now.   
  
He sighs, and lifts the bottle to take another drink, only to  suddenly feel the presence of another. Before he can figure out who it is, an armored hand covers the hand he has on the bottle.   
  
He knows who it is without even looking. He had been back in Kirkwall for two days, so word must have reached her, as he knows gossip about what happened with Bartrand probably did as well.   
  
"This will not help your grief, Hades." Her voice is almost stern, but there's a softness to it as well, one he can hear from being around her so much.   
  
"I know," he mutters. "What brings you out to the Wounded Coast?"   
  
Silence.   
  
Then- "You."

He wants to say so much to her, and his usual careful way with words is affected right now. He needs to talk to someone, more specifically, he needs to talk to his Kirkwall.

 

********************

 

"I made a promise to my father I would protect the family," She hears him say quietly. "I'm failing that promise. Carver's dead because I took him to the Deep Roads with me. Bethany's dead.. at the hands of an ogre before we left. She was trying to protect mother, used a spell but it did nothing..."

Meredith stiffens. So apparently Malcolm Hawke did pass on his curse to one of his children. "Your sister was a mage?"

Silence from Hades, and she looks over at him, his gaze still locked on the sea. He sighs, then rubs a hand over his face. "Yes," he whispers."But she was a good sister. She went to the Chantry a lot in Lothering. She was Andrastian, as much as Father was." 

The templar in Meredith wanted to say something that would not help matters very much, not with how Hades was currently feeling. So much risk this family had taken, she realized. So much risk because one man was selfish. Malcolm Hawke put so many at risk with his Apostate status, and to add a young child who was also cursed with his own affliction? Same with Leandra- she risked everything for an Apostate. Leandra and Malcolm Hawke put heavy burdens on their family through their own selfishness. 

Meredith though restrained her tongue, her opinions, for the sake of the man next to her. Who was currently carrying his own grief and burdens, feeling the weight of a promise he gave a dying man on his deathbed and suffering from what he perceived as a failure from it.

"What was she like?" She asks, trying to keep her judgement out of her words. 

"Quiet. Sweet. Careful. I watched her lessons with Father, and she took to them easily enough, seemed to master her magic when he taught although she would always defer Father's compliments on how well she was doing. She tried to be a peacemaker when we ran into Aveline and her templar husband Wesley. I got.. protective when he--" She sees his face flush. "But she was the one that calmed everything down, same with Aveline." He sighs. "If it wasn't for that ogre.. if I had been quicker--"

"What ifs do not help," she says firmly.

Hades snorts.  "No. Mother didn't  want me taking Carver to the Deep Roads. I didn't listen, insisted I needed him. Look where that got us. Enough money to start fighting for our family home back, but it's just me and her now and she made it clear she's not happy with me." 

Meredith felt it in that moment. The need to share something deeply personal. She recognized the need, as she noticed he had shared as well. The deaths of his father and his sister has shaped him considerably. It is time for him to know how she was shaped. 

"Her name was Amelia. She is the reason why I am who I am. Why I chose to become a templar. Why I do not agree with your father leaving the circle, risking so many with his curse, as well as passing his curse on to your sister," she tries to keep her words from sounding harsh. She is trying her best to not condemn members of his family that he loved and respected, and have died in front of him. 

This time it is her looking out to the sea, when she senses his eyes turn away and towards her.

"Who was Amelia?" He asks in his soft, gentle voice. 

She swallows. "My sister. My parents... they were afraid of the Circle, they did not want to send her there. So they kept her home, but they had no way of helping her contain her magic, no way to teach her control. Their fears..." She takes a deep breath as the memories of that night, that horrible night threaten to overwhelm her.

She starts as she feels his hand cover hers, then his fingers slide between her, despite the fact her gauntlets are still on. "What happened?" 

"Death," she says, her voice hoarsely. "The templars found out, they were coming. She saw, got scared, and went to hide. There was silence, then Mother opened the cupboard she was hiding in... My sister was no more, she became an abomination. My mother was the first death. By the time the templars killed her, she had killed almost a hundred people." 

Silence. Nothing is being said between them for a couple minutes. 

"Templars saved me. The templar that saved me was a good man and my mentor, the other reason why I became a templar. I keep Amelia in mind and my mentor as well, when I am in the Gallows." Magic is a curse, that is what she has realized that day when she lost her sister. A curse that needs to be contained, managed, guarded, protected. She will not say the words to him though, not now. Not with the wounds of loss so fres

"I am sorry for your loss, Meredith." 

She tears her gaze away from the sea, and looks over to him. She meets his warm brown eyes, full of compassion as always. 

"As am I, for yours." 

They sit next to each other for about an hour, trading the occasional story about their lost loved ones. Meredith, for the first time since the loss of her family, tells Hades stories about her mother, her father, about Amelia. He in turn shares more about his father, about Bethany. Carver. They share their pain in the stories, their loss, their grief. 

They end up going silent not long after they share another set of stories, and Meredith knows she must not remain here on the Wounded Coast any longer. She must head back. 

"I suppose you have to go back."

"You suppose right."

Hades nods, lets go of her hand and she mourns the loss of it as he pushes himself to his feet. Before she can get into position to stand, his hand is held out to hers. 

"Let me help you up." She swears she hears a teasing undertone amongst the somber note of his words.

Any other time she would brush such an offer to the side. She never took anyone's hand to stand up. She can stand up just fine on her own. But here, with no one else to see except Andraste and the Maker who sent this man to her, she does. Her hand slides into his, and he pulls her up without much effort, pulls her in closer than they have been before. 

She steadies herself by placing one of her armored hands on his shoulder. He slips an arm around her waist, keeping her to him. 

"Fereldan?" She asks, keeping her words calm, even though her heart is suddenly beating faster. 

His warm  brown eyes are no longer somber or sad. They are telling her something that words are not. 

Hades free hand cups her cheek, his thumb sweeping over her skin. "May I kiss you my Kirkwall?" 

She swallows. He has only kissed the palm of her hands before. Each time he has, her heart has stuttered, felt things she has never felt before. But that is nothing unusual when it comes to him. Her life has been upended, changed since this man has come into her life. 

"Since you asked so politely," she says, trying to keep her words as calm as possible.

He smiles, bright and happy. Moments later, she inhales sharply as his lips pressed against hers, and once more everything she knows is shifted   Everything in her tells her to stay stiff, to not soften, but she closes what little distance there is between them as the kiss that is shaking her to her core continues. She softens. She leans, and she takes.  
  
He kisses like he loves. Careful at first, but then without caution.

_Cherished._ _  
_

They do not do much more than that though. They simply stand there, at the foot of the coast, in her armor and his simple clothes, arms wrapped around each other as they share a simple kiss that for Meredith, changes everything.

  


*********************  


 

Varric finds himself at a loss for words, mentally, from his spot on the Coast.

He did not expect to find the scene that he has found. He expected what Gamlen told him he would probably find. 

A drunk Hades, grieving. 

Not.... well, not _this._

Varric does not dare say anything, not wanting to alert either of the people in the very passionate embrace he sees.  He simply turns and carefully walks away. 

He only gets about maybe.. ten feet before he's suddenly grabbed by the arm and he's about to yell when a hand smacks over his mouth and he's met with a pair of furious green eyes.

"Spying, dwarf?" Fenris snarls.

"Not intentionally," he protests, keeping his voice low. 

"Keep what you saw to yourself and out of any stories you may write or tell," Fenris orders.

Normally that would make him want to spread what he saw around. But this? Maybe not.

"Did you see?"

Fenris scowls. "No. I was watching Hades in case he needed help getting back, but once she joined him I stepped away to give them privacy. Whatever you saw, you will not repeat it to anyone. Do I make myself clear?" 

Broody was serious. Deadly serious. Like punch a hole in chest serious maybe? Eh, Varric didn't want to ask, cause he wasn't sure if he wanted an answer. 

"Does he know how much he's risking?" Varric asks quietly. "That's the Knight--"

"He knows, and yes. Love is a complicated matter."

Varric is about to protest that, when he thinks of Bianca. Not his crossbow, but of her. Of how many risks he takes, they both take, when they meet up. 

"Well, shit." Varric sighs. 

"Well put dwarf. Now let’s go back to the Hanged Man and I'll make sure to help you forget whatever you may have seen."

"I'm going to need it," Varric mutters.

  
  
  
**(To Be Continued)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly hope you enjoyed ACT 1. Let me know what you think and how this feels to you. Thank you so much for reading this! 
> 
> Also special thanks to Belle, Toshi-Nama, RedPandaDragon, Buffsea, Darklikehersun, Midnight_Rising, and so many others who viewed bits and pieces for me, and helped me throughout this whole process and continue to do so.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what my Hades Hawke looks like: https://i.imgur.com/RmK52bF.png and I used this for inspiration towards his looks: http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25800000/Michael-Trevino-michael-trevino-25858172-500-375.jpg


End file.
